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I'm a 32 year old mother of 2 fantastic little boys, ages 5 and 10. I'm a retail lackey who dreams of running away to San Francisco where I'll live on my trust fund and take photographs of the city all day.

Currently Reading

  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Movies You Should Check Out

  • Little Miss Sunshine
  • The Good Shepherd

Rocking My iPod This Week

  • Eminem
  • Hinder
  • The Fray

Categorically Speaking...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

When You Least Expect It...

Sometimes you will sit and reflect on your life and realize that there is some sort of order to the cosmos. An order that will bring you just what you need, when you need it.

I wasn't looking for new friends when this boy sent me a IM to be friendly, but I figured, "Why not chat with him for a bit?". He always left encouraging comments on my Bodymod profile and mods. Even after we had chatted a few times, I still was like, "Nice boy, but I don't need more friends - especially not friends who are 8 years younger than I am."

Then my world started falling apart.

Within just a couple of weeks of beginning to chat with this boy, I was getting harassed at work by my superiors, I picked up a stalker, my depression spiraled out of control, my best friend tried to kill himself...I was a mess. And when the boy would come online to chat, I couldn't be assed to pretend that everything was okay. I laid it all out there so that he couldn't help but see that he was dealing with a fucking raging psycho with way too many issues. And you know what?

He stayed.

He didn't run away. He stayed and tried to help. Told me the things that I needed to hear, and not just what I wanted to hear. He gave me advice and said things that made me question if he was 8 years older than I was instead of the other way around. When I wanted to die because I couldn't untangle my mind and I couldn't stop the world around me from spinning out of control, he was there. He worked at the knots and gave me an anchor to hold me down. He didn't let me quit. He cared, and I believed him when he said it.

He became a friend.

Time marched on, and no matter what kind of messed up shit I threw at him, he was there. He made me smile, he made me come out of whatever funk I was in, he didn't take "Leave me alone" for an answer. The more we've talked and shared, the more I am grateful that he is in my life. Whenever I need a friend to talk to, he's there. No matter what. And recently, I realized it:

He had become a best friend.

I still have the best friend that you have all read about. But as you all have read about - that relationship has changed. Changed to the point where I can't always count on that friend to be there when I need them to be. As a Cancer, we are maternal by nature, but there is something about this boy that makes me fiercely protective. He's like the brother I always wanted and never got. If you have a beef with him, then you are going to have to go through me first. Of course, (since I'm ancient) he calls me Mamma, so that just makes me even more protective.

You may think it's bizarre to have a best friend that you have never properly met - I don't blame you. A little over a year ago I would have been right there with you. But somehow it is possible. I wasn't looking for him, but he found me anyways. I'm looking forward to the day when I finally get to meet him face to face, put my arms around him, and thank him in person for all that he's done. I don't know what I ever did to deserve him, but I'm glad as hell that I did it.

Thank you, Alex.

Mamma loves ya, kid.

2 comments:

well duh said...

touching really...

i dont usually cry just after i wake up... but this was an exception...

koo koo kachoo

alex signing out

lexy said...

and please change your bloody song...

try this one

right where it belongs- NIN

more to my choon