Your Resident Blogger

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I'm a 32 year old mother of 2 fantastic little boys, ages 5 and 10. I'm a retail lackey who dreams of running away to San Francisco where I'll live on my trust fund and take photographs of the city all day.

Currently Reading

  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Movies You Should Check Out

  • Little Miss Sunshine
  • The Good Shepherd

Rocking My iPod This Week

  • Eminem
  • Hinder
  • The Fray

Categorically Speaking...

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My Johari Window

Arena

(known to self and others)

caring, friendly, idealistic, independent, sympathetic

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

accepting, brave, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, energetic, giving, happy, helpful, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, powerful, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty

Fa├žade

(known only to self)

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, adaptable, bold, calm, clever, dignified, extroverted, ingenious, introverted, logical, mature, modest, nervous, observant, organised, patient, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, tense

Dominant Traits

66% of people agree that JenBeals is caring

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (50%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (16%) calm (0%) caring (66%) cheerful (16%) clever (0%) complex (16%) confident (16%) dependable (33%) dignified (0%) energetic (16%) extroverted (0%) friendly (33%) giving (33%) happy (16%) helpful (16%) idealistic (16%) independent (16%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (16%) introverted (0%) kind (33%) knowledgeable (33%) logical (0%) loving (16%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (16%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (16%) tense (0%) trustworthy (16%) warm (16%) wise (16%) witty (16%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 1.3.2006, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view JenBeals's full data.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Something to Lighten the Mood

You Are Seductive Flirt

Smoldering hot, you don't really flirt. You seduce.
For you, flirting is just foreplay.
You don't flirt unless it's going somewhere.
You have one goal in mind when you flirt... And you usually get it!


You Are 40% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're a little addicted to love.
You won't do anything for love, but sometimes you do more than you should.
No one's worth losing your head for - because in the end you'll only lose your heart.
Don't avoid falling in love. Just make sure you don't get too hooked.


You Are An Extrovert!

You have a ton of friends, perhaps more friends than anyone you know.
Nothing to do on Friday night? No problem for you to find the action.
You're friendly, easy to know, and you seem to get along with almost everyone.
You love to express yourself - and everyone knows a good deal about you.
Whether you're giving your opinion or sharing your dreams, you don't keep anything in.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

For the Incomparable Mr. Alex! (The Distance - Cake)







Cake - The Distance


Provided by VideoCodes4U.com



Reluctantly crouched at the starting line
Engines pumping and thumping in time
The green light flashes, the flags go up
Churning and burning they yearn for the cup

They deftly manuver and muscle for rank
Fuels burning fast on an empty tank
Reckless and wild, they pour through the turns
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern

As they speed through the finish, the flags go down
The fans get up and they get out of town
The arena is empty except for one man
Still driving and striving as fast as he can

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up
Not long ago somebody left with the cup
But he's driving and striving an hugging the turns
And thinking of someone for who he still burns

He's going the distance
He's going for speed
She's all alone, all alone, all alone in a time of need

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse
He's going the distance

No trophies, no flowers, no flashbulbs, no lime
He's haunted by something he cannot define
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse
Assail him and bail him with monster truck force

In his mind he's still driving, still making the grade
She's hoping in time that her memories will fade
'Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting the course
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up
Not long ago somebody left with the cup
But he's striving and driving and hugging the turns
And thinking of someone for who he still burns

'Cause he's going the distance,
He's going for speed
She's all alone
All alone
All alone
In a time of need

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse
He's racing and pacing and plotting the course
He's fighting and biting and ridding on his horse
He's going the distance
He's going for speed
He's going the distance

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Tell Me Something New....

You Are 68% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

What Do You Do?...

When your heart is missing? Someone tell me. Until then...drink up kids.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Someday We'll Save Each Other (Bring Me to Life - Evanescence)







Evanescence - Bring Me To Life


Provided by VideoCodes4U.com


how can you see into my eyes
like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb

without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and
lead it back home


(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark

(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life


(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside
without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead


all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life


(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Phew...Crisis Averted


Well, it only took 18 hours of tinkering, hacking, rebuilding, and backing up, but I finally got my laptop up and running. That officially was the suckiest thing EVER! I can't wait until I get a new laptop and can go Michael Bolton on this one. You know what I mean? This thing's lucky I'm not armed.

(For those of you who perhaps are missing that reference there, it's from one of the all-time great movies, Office Space. You should totally rent it, mmmm 'kay? And I'm going to need you to come in on Sunday as well.)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

ARRRGGH!

So I went to turn on my laptop tonight and it will not work! Apparently sometime between it shutting down perfectly last night and my pushing the power button tonight, it found the time to corrupt some file. Greeeeaaat. It sounds like I have to reformat the entire computer. ALL my schoolwork is on there, my wedding planning stuff, EVERYTHIGN. At least I backed up all my digital photos this past week... *Sigh*

Sunday, February 19, 2006

New Music Monday! (Times Like These - Foo Fighters)



I am a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
burning off alone


it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?


it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again

Too Freakin' Cold...Inside and Out

So today was the first day in nearly a week to break over 0 degrees. It's about time! I'm tired of feeling so cold all the time. That goes for my insides as well. I'm tired of feeling so cold inside as well. With having to go of my meds, I can feel myself slowly spinning out of control again. I'm trying to keep it together long enough for one of the psychiatrists on my insurance plan to start accepting patients again, but it's soooo hard. Unless you've ever suffered from a major depressive or other mental disorder, you really have no idea how much energy it takes just to put on a "normal" face for the people around you. Tyson understands and is always there for me, but I hate to lean to heavily on him because I know that he is working on his own recoveries. Alex understands and is there for me, but he's in England which makes it hard to really lean on period. Matt of course is there for me, but he really doesn't understand what I'm going through, and that makes it hard for him to deal with it. Neither of our families know that I am/was in therapy or on medications - they wouldn't get it. Matt's family is like him, fabulous but lacking the understanding of the disorder. My family just thinks...I don't know what they think. I know that when I first went into therapy in high school, my parents pulled me out the minute I was diagnosed with having anything other than "moody teenagerness". Medication was out of the question for them. So here I wait. Waiting for the sun.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Quiz Fun!


Jennifer --

[noun]:

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com








Jennifer is mostly likely to say the out-of-date phrase:
My bad
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Apparently I Didn't Get the Memo...

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye.
Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments.
You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets.
You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

Monday, February 13, 2006

OMFG

I think that I am losing my mind. I bawled like a baby watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics during the Parade of Nations when the athletes walk in...especially when a country would walk in with only 1 or 2 athletes. I bawled like a baby watching one of the Chinese figure skating pairs win a silver medal after totally eating it on their quad throw tonight. I bawled like a baby sending my best friend a Valentine's Day card telling him that I am proud of him. I bawled like a baby knowing that one of my other friends was depressed about tomorrow. being Valentine's Day and him being alone after a nasty break-up. I bawled like a baby because 2 people on www.bodymod.org added my latest tattoo as one of their favorite mods. I bawled like a baby....are you sensing a pattern here? Someone please MAKE THIS STOP. I am so tired of feeling this depressed all the time. On the good side, I've gone back to writing poetry (after a near 8 year writer's block), but on the bad side it's all incredibly depressing poetry like the poem I posted a couple of days ago. I'm having trouble keeping myself going to school and keeping up, but Tyson has taken it upon himself to keep tabs on me. With all that he's going through...he's still taking care of me. Can you see why he is my best friend? I am so proud of him and the fact that he is immortalized in my newest tattoo. I just wish that I felt deserving of someone so wonderful. Sigh.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Blah, Blah, Blogthings!

You Will Be a Modern Bride!

While you aren't ready to throw away all wedding tradions, you want a wedding with a twist
You're more inspired by celebrity weddings on E! than from bridal magazines
Whether this means getting married on the beach barefoot or a mariachi band for the reception...
Your wedding will be a blend of old and new - white dress cocktail, personalied vows, whatever suites you!!!



Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.



You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 8 out of 10 correct!



You Are a Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new.
However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like.
You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation.
You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please



Your Celebrity Sisters Are Mary-Kate and Ashley

Funky, eccentric, and offbeat
You're not a good girl or a bad girl, just a weird girl

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Yesterday

The memory of your kisses so sweet
Like a hug around my heart
Warms me down to my soul and
Twists the knife left lovingly
Inside of me by you
You showed me what I wanted to know then
Took back what I could never have
Your breath on my skin I will feel no more
Blessing and burden
I carry it all alone
The fate that took us there
The same fate that brought us here
There are no beautiful suicides
Only notions of what could have been

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Because Alex is a Dirrty, Dirrty Boy ;o) (Dirrty - Christina Aguilera)

Ooooh Blogthing Excitement!

Your Love Song Is

You and Me by Lifehouse

"Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you"

For you, love is very intense and a little difficult to express.



Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get



You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!



Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions

"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."



Your Inner Pop Princess Is Kelly Clarkson

"Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be"

No doubt about it, you have star quality. Might just take a while to get there.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

More Tasty Tidbits

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.



You Are Trinity

"Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again."



You Should Be In The Donnas

You've got that a bit of an edge to you
The bad girl that all the good boys want!

More New Music! (Fine Again - Seether)







Seether - Fine Again


Provided by VideoCodes4U.com



It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself