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I'm a 32 year old mother of 2 fantastic little boys, ages 5 and 10. I'm a retail lackey who dreams of running away to San Francisco where I'll live on my trust fund and take photographs of the city all day.

Currently Reading

  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Movies You Should Check Out

  • Little Miss Sunshine
  • The Good Shepherd

Rocking My iPod This Week

  • Eminem
  • Hinder
  • The Fray

Categorically Speaking...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

What a Difference a Few Hours Make

I came downstairs yesterday after my shower and began to gather my things that I needed for my photo shoot, since I was taking Hayley's family Christmas portraits on location 20 miles away from the house and I didn't want to forget anything. Now before I had gotten in the shower, I called Matt's cell, but he didn't answer. So when I picked up my cell phone to put it in my purse and I noticed there was a missed call, I wasn't surprised. I just assumed that Matt had called. But when I hit "View", it came back "Tyson Cell".

Ummmm, what the fuck? That has to be some weird system glich. That can't be who called me. So I exited out of that screen, only to be told that I had a new text message. I went to view that...only to see that the text was from "Tyson Cell".

WTF?!?!?! When I pulled up the message it said, "Heya Jen - Tyson" Whaaaa?

Let's recap. Last phone conversation: May 7th. Last email conversation: July 6th. And now just randomly Tyson wants to talk? I was dumbfounded. Literally dumbfounded. I actually stared at my phone for 10 minutes. I respond to the text message with a basic, "Hey T, how goes it?" I then drove to the spot where Hayley & I were meeting to drive up to the picture spot. I was having so much trouble wrapping my head around the concept that Tyson had actually tried to contact me that I called Hayley while I was driving. She, too, was dumbfounded - for once in her life she was actually speechless!

So when I finally park to wait for Hayley, I look a little more closely at my phone. Turns out the messages were from Friday night, and I didn't hear them because I forgot to take my phone of silent after class. He texted me, then 5 minutes later he called. So I called him back and left him a brief voice mail. What in the world was going on? And I couldn't help it. I sat in that church parking lot and started to cry. I had finally come to accept that we must not be friends anymore, and then all of a sudden he's back in my life?

I took the pictures (which turned out well, thanks!) and went home. That's when I put the new music on my blog. It pretty much summed up how I felt. I didn't forsee hearing back from Tyson because I didn't want to let myself get my hopes up. I didn't want to get hurt. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't do hurt very well. And whether he meant to or not, Tyson had hurt me enough to last a lifetime. So Matt & I are sitting on the couch playing a video game when I hear my phone beep that I have a new text message. I got up to see what it was, and it was Tyson again - and he wanted to hang out. Turned out that he was in town for work. I was torn. I wanted so bad to see him, but I was so afraid that somehow I would end up hurt by it. I talked to Matt, and while he didn't like it, he agreed that I needed to go.

So I went. At first it was kinda awkward. Like we had just met. By the end of the night, though, it was like we'd never been apart. I've missed hanging out with him. I didn't realize just how much until I was there with him. I won't go into detail about our night because it was just for him & me. I think we are on the road to healing, though. I hope we are. Everyone I know has had an opinion on my meeting up with Tyson, though, and none of them were very good. From the mild (just be careful) to the vehement (I will beat him up if he hurts you again), I was the only one who thought this could be a good thing. Still am. And I'm scared. Because as much as he doesn't want to hurt me, I'm afraid that he might.

And I've left myself wide open to it.

Please don't, T.

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