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I'm a 32 year old mother of 2 fantastic little boys, ages 5 and 10. I'm a retail lackey who dreams of running away to San Francisco where I'll live on my trust fund and take photographs of the city all day.

Currently Reading

  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Movies You Should Check Out

  • Little Miss Sunshine
  • The Good Shepherd

Rocking My iPod This Week

  • Eminem
  • Hinder
  • The Fray

Categorically Speaking...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

An Open Letter...

My dear Velveteen Rabbit,

I hope you realize that this song is for you. I hope you realize that what is happening now is fucking with my head. I hope you realize that you are tearing me apart. What happened to all the things that we said to each other? Did you mean them? I sure as hell meant it - every damn word. If you meant even just half, I can't believe that you would be acting this way.

37 days. 37 GODDAMN DAYS and 2 DOZEN voice mails. Are you that busy? Too busy for me? After all that we have been through, after all the shit that has gone down, you can't take even just 1 minute to make my phone ring? 1 minute to hit send on a "Really busy right now, but hope we can talk soon" email? Has everything come down to this? And why? For what? I have no idea why things are this way. I keep throwing balls in your court, but none ever seem to come back to me. We were doing so great, and now I've been torn down to a low I haven't been to in months. Since before the day I thought I was watching my world crash down around me. You know better than anyone how tiring it is to make everyone believe that you are fine even when you are in a full fucking freefall. There is a giant void in my soul right now...taking up the place that you filled. I'm freefalling into that void, and I've tried 24 times to pull the ripcord on my parachute, but it just won't open for me. You know, you can only try pulling the ripcord so many times before you eventually hit the ground, chute unopened. Are we going to find out the hard way how many times that is?

And the part that kills me? I still love you and think the world of you. Nothing will ever change that. You always have been, and always will be, both the easiest and hardest person to love. I just need you to be around. What happened to the person that said they wanted to get things straight so that they could be a reliable friend to me? The one who held my door open for me and escorted me across nighttime streets because they said that was how I deserved to be treated? I need that person back. Please come back.

Love always,

The one who got left behind

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