words clog my throat
like
urban gridlock -
nowhere to go
their exit, your ears
but you aren't here
i scream them into the air
releasing them into the world
but they come back -
because they belong to you
and so in a sea of unspoken words
i drown
in a tumultuous ocean of
words that are
refugees of emotion
vagrants of feeling
looking for their home
i drown
i lie shivering
under a mountain of blankets
trying to kill the cold
a cold that doesn't permeate from
the without
rather
a cold that radiates from
the within
a cold that fills the
space you used to take
solidifying my soul into
crystalline glass that
i know
you will shatter
when you come back
to me
betrayal
my heart is weeping, but my eyes are out of tears
my mind is screaming, but my lungs are out of air
after all that you said and all that you did,
how is it that you can just walk away?
guilt-free --
hands clean --
unscathed --
how is it that i'm left here?
bearing both of our scars --
blood on my hands --
shellshocked --
everytime i begin to think i'm okay
i hear your praises and it throws me to the ground
cold --
lost --
alone --
i don't need to hear it
i don't need the reminder
i already knew
knew you. knew me.
and i wish i could forget
because you are no longer you
and i --
i've already gone.
The memory of your kisses so sweet
Like a hug around my heart
Warms me down to my soul and
Twists the knife left lovingly
Inside of me by you
You showed me what I wanted to know then
Took back what I could never have
Your breath on my skin I will feel no more
Blessing and burden
I carry it all alone
The fate that took us there
The same fate that brought us here
There are no beautiful suicides
Only notions of what could have been
