Too Freakin' Cold...Inside and Out
So today was the first day in nearly a week to break over 0 degrees. It's about time! I'm tired of feeling so cold all the time. That goes for my insides as well. I'm tired of feeling so cold inside as well. With having to go of my meds, I can feel myself slowly spinning out of control again. I'm trying to keep it together long enough for one of the psychiatrists on my insurance plan to start accepting patients again, but it's soooo hard. Unless you've ever suffered from a major depressive or other mental disorder, you really have no idea how much energy it takes just to put on a "normal" face for the people around you. Tyson understands and is always there for me, but I hate to lean to heavily on him because I know that he is working on his own recoveries. Alex understands and is there for me, but he's in England which makes it hard to really lean on period. Matt of course is there for me, but he really doesn't understand what I'm going through, and that makes it hard for him to deal with it. Neither of our families know that I am/was in therapy or on medications - they wouldn't get it. Matt's family is like him, fabulous but lacking the understanding of the disorder. My family just thinks...I don't know what they think. I know that when I first went into therapy in high school, my parents pulled me out the minute I was diagnosed with having anything other than "moody teenagerness". Medication was out of the question for them. So here I wait. Waiting for the sun.
