Life - or Something Like It

Come to my new blog!!

2007-03-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

http://nodaybut2day.wordpress.com

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That's where the fun lives now. Come check it out!

A New Year, a New Home

2007-02-16T15:18:00.000-07:00

So you may have noticed that I have neglected to post to my blog in over a month. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, or even that I haven't had the time. Blogger and I were having some creative differences, spent a lot of time arguing, then gave each other the silent treatment. He wasn't giving an inch, and we all know how stubborn I am. Especially when we know that I'm right

So. It's official.

Blogger and I have gotten a divorce. The good news is I found a new guy, Wordpress. Not only is he cooler than Blogger, but he was able to wrangle me full custody of my posts and all their comments. So here we are. Me and the kids all snug and settled in here at our new home - http://nodaybut2day.wordpress.com. New look, new blog name...we're ready for the new year! Hope you come to join us!

This is a Hero.

2007-01-04T05:05:00.000-07:00

By DEEPTI HAJELA, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - It took only an instant for Wesley Autrey to decide to jump into a subway track to rescue a stranger from an oncoming train.

In hindsight, even he is somewhat startled by his dramatic decision, Autrey said Wednesday. But knowing he narrowly escaped injury or possibly death, the 50-year-old Harlem construction worker doesn't regret his choice.

"I did something to save someone's life," he said.

The father of three has found himself the object of public attention since Tuesday, when he saved a young man who had fallen onto the subway tracks by pushing him into a gap between the rails.
Autrey planned to make the rounds of the morning television shows on Thursday, tape an appearance on David Letterman's CBS "Late Show" and visit City Hall to be honored by Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

Meanwhile, Autrey said the impact of the risky rescue was sinking in.

"It's all hitting me now," Autrey said. "I'm looking, and these trains are coming in now. ... Wow, you did something pretty stupid."

While waiting for a downtown Manhattan train, Autrey saw Cameron Hollopeter, a 19-year-old film student, suffering from some kind of medical episode. After stumbling down the platform, Hollopeter, of Littleton, Mass., fell onto the tracks with a train on its way into the station.
Autrey, traveling with his two young daughters, knew he had to do something.

"If I let him stay there by himself, he's going to be dismembered," the Navy veteran remembered thinking.

He jumped down to the tracks, a few feet below platform level, and rolled with the young man into a drainage trough — cold, wet and more than a little unpleasant smelling — between the rails as the southbound No. 1 train came into the 137th Street/City College station.

The train's operator saw someone on the tracks and put the emergency brakes on. Some train cars passed over Autrey and Hollopeter with only a couple of inches to spare, but neither man suffered any harm from the incident.

Hollopeter was taken to a nearby hospital; Autrey refused medical attention — and then went to work.

Autrey went by the hospital Wednesday afternoon for a visit with Hollopeter and his family. Afterward, he and Hollopeter's father addressed reporters.

"Mr. Autrey's instinctive and unselfish act saved our son's life," said Larry Hollopeter, his voice choking up.

Following the incident, calls came in from all over the country, offering rewards, as people found themselves inspired by Autrey's bravery. His mother beamed over him.

By VERENA DOBNIK, Associated Press Writer Thu Jan 4, 7:28 PM ET

NEW YORK - A man's daring rescue of a teen who fell on the subway tracks earned him the unique title "the hero of Harlem" on Thursday, plus $10,000 from Donald Trump and a trip to Disney World.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg bestowed the title upon Wesley Autrey as he presented him with the city's highest award for civic achievement, calling the 50-year-old construction worker "a great man — a man who makes us all proud to be New Yorkers."

Past recipients of the Bronze Medallion have included Gen. Douglas MacArthur, Martin Luther King Jr., Muhammad Ali and Willie Mays. The last honoree was Housing Authority employee Felix Vasquez, who caught a baby thrown from a burning building in 2005.

On Tuesday, Autrey saw Cameron Hollopeter, a 19-year-old film student, suffering a seizure while waiting for a train. After stumbling down the platform, Hollopeter, of Littleton, Mass., fell onto the tracks with a train on its way into the station.

Autrey, traveling with his two young daughters, said something needed to be done and he thought: "I'm the only one to do it."

He jumped down to the tracks, a few feet below platform level, and rolled with the young man into a drainage trough between the rails as the southbound No. 1 train came into the 137th Street/City College station.

Some train cars passed over Autrey and Hollopeter with only a couple of inches to spare, but neither man suffered any harm from the incident. Hollopeter, hospitalized for his medical condition, was in stable condition Thursday.

Metropolitan Transportation Authority Executive Director Elliot Sander called Autrey's action "a death-defying act of bravery. We truly have not seen anything like this. ... He was at the right place at the right time and did the right thing."

After the City Hall ceremony, a limousine whisked Autrey — who also received a year's worth of free subway rides — to a meeting with Trump, who presented him with $10,000.

He also has received $2,500 from the New York Film Academy to start a scholarship fund for his children, and tickets and a backstage tour to the Broadway musical "The Lion King."

Autrey, who did the morning news show circuit on Thursday and taped a David Letterman appearance later in the day, will be flown to Los Angeles for an appearance next week on Ellen DeGeneres' show.

As for his new celebrity, he concluded, "good things happen when you do good."

Just For Today...

2007-01-02T00:46:00.000-07:00

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct, and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions

New Beginnings

2007-01-01T04:01:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that another entire year has passed by me. 2006 was filled with trials and triumphs, heartbreak and love, breakdowns and redemption. I experienced some of the highest highs and the lowest lows that I could ever imagine. So many lessons were learned. So many battles fought. So much life lived. So much love shared. Instead of doing a blow-by-blow recap of how the year played out (since most of you know how it all went down anyways), I present to you in handy bulleted format - my 2006.

2006 Taught Me:

You can never love someone too much. But that doesn't mean everything will end up rainbows and lollipops. Sometimes love just isn't enough.
No matter how dark the clouds are over your head, eventually the sun will come out again.
Don't give up on the people you love, no matter how hard they make it to love them.
New friends can appear when you least expect it, and casual friends can become great friends when you aren't looking.

2006 Broke Me:

By destroying my greatest friendship, and only restoring it partially.
By forcing me to face my flaws, including the exaggerated version of those flaws presented to me by someone who hates me.
It chipped away at my faith in the bonds of family and friendship.

2006 Spoiled Me:

With the marriage I've been waiting for the past 10 years.
With a happy, healthy son who's growth and wisdom amazes me daily.
With friends new, old, and renewed that fill my lonely soul.

I wish you and yours a healthy, happy 2007 filled with love and prosperity.

drowning without water

2006-12-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

words clog my throat
like
urban gridlock -
nowhere to go
their exit, your ears
but you aren't here
i scream them into the air
releasing them into the world
but they come back -
because they belong to you

and so in a sea of unspoken words
i drown
in a tumultuous ocean of
words that are
refugees of emotion
vagrants of feeling
looking for their home
i drown

cold

2006-12-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

i lie shivering
under a mountain of blankets
trying to kill the cold

a cold that doesn't permeate from
the without
rather

a cold that radiates from
the within

a cold that fills the
space you used to take

solidifying my soul into
crystalline glass that
i know
you will shatter

when you come back
to me

How to Save a Life

2006-12-27T01:33:00.000-07:00

It's so rare these days that not only does a band rock, but they are also incredibly profound while doing so. The Fray rocks this concept. Their album, "How to Save a Life" does both. I can't even begin to fully explain how much this album has helped me through this tumultuous past year. It has been as is if they read my deepest, darkest thoughts and put them to music. They have so much thought, so much meaning, and such a depth to their music. Truly inspiring!

New Music (How to Save a Life - The Fray)

2006-12-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

HOW TO SAVE A LIFE (GREY'S ANATOMY VERSION) (by The Fray)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

100 More Random Thoughts...

2006-12-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

*Nothing beats the feeling of sliding your feet into new socks. Nothing. And I don't mean socks that just got washed...I mean never worn, fresh from the package socks.
*What's with boys in really skinny jeans? I mean seriously. IT'S NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR YOU. It wasn't a good look back in the early 90s, either.
*People who pronounce Nevada Nev-AH-da drive me insane. There is no reason to be all pretentious. The only things anyone likes in Nevada are Reno & Vegas anyways. There are reasons that nuclear tests have been performed there.
*Uggs are ugly. Especially with shorts. They're meant to be a winter shoe, people. If it's warm enough for shorts, it's not cold enough for Uggs. Work on that.
*I love Vh1. No really. Who else is bringing us the 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s and 40 Greatest Metal Songs? NO ONE. God bless you, Vh1. Keep 'em coming!
*I played the flute in elementary school. My friend Brianne and I learned more songs than anyone in our class and were so proud of ourselves. One day our teacher insinuated that we weren't any good. So we quit. LOL That totally showed her.
*I've always dabbled in writing. When I was 10, I started a children's picture book series. Then when I was 11 I started writing my "Parent's Guide to Children's Literature". I'm pretty sure I still have those manuscripts around somewhere.
*Toad the Wet Sprocket was one of the most underrated bands of the 90s. I love them, and I still rock out to them on my iPod. Ahhh, the good old days of alternative....
*Adults who wear Looney Tunes or other cartoon-related clothing and/or gear disturb me. It's not cool people. So not cool. Please stop.
*I'm way unashamed of my eclectic musical tastes. I still rock out to New Kids on the Block when the mood so strikes me. Like today in the dark room. It's been suggested by some of the other photo students that something is not right with me. Sounds like jealousy to me!

*I've been able to buy booze since I was 17. We found a lovely convenience store clerk who rarely, if ever, checked IDs. Good ol' Paco. One day Paco wasn't at the counter anymore. I'm guessing he got fired. LOL I can't imagine why that might be....
*I first started reading Shakespeare in the 3rd grade. My teacher had me read it since I was classified as "gifted", and I read through all the chapter books in the classroom in record time. She was somewhat disappointed that I could read and comprehend Shakespeare in record time, too.
*I'm working on rediscovering myself. Maybe I might be able to like myself after all. I just have to find me first.
*21 Jumpstreet really was an excellent show. I've spent the past few nights at work working my way through the series on DVD again. It makes me so sad that it was cancelled. Watching it has almost made me like Richard Grieco. Almost.
*I'm way in love with The Fray right now. Their album has spoke to my soul and guided me through some troubled times. I would love to meet them.
*My iPod and iTunes are anal-retentively organized. No. Really. If my life were even HALF as organized as they are, I'd be President of the United States. Canada, too. Simultaneously.
*I'm still determined that I will teach myself French. To that end I found a lovely podcast intending to teach beginners like me how to speak French. C'est magnifique! I'll be able to parlez Francais with the best of them in no time at all.
*I've finally figured out the fascination with the text message - because I can sit in class and still talk to people, yet still look interested in the lecture! I'm guessing that this will not work in the Chemistry lab next semester.
*My Alex is better than your Alex. Hands down. My Elli is better than yours, too. Duh.
*If I hear one more person tell me that "Jesus is the reason for the season", I just might go homicidal. In the immortal words of Bill Lumburgh, "Ummm, yeaaaah....I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with you on that one..." Jesus may be the inspiration for the holiday, but the reason for the winter season has more to do with weather patterns and positioning of the globe and such. But thanks for trying to hijack something else to try and convince me to join your religion.

*My new great love is drum and bass music. Alex got me way hooked on it, and now I compulsively check iTunes to see if there is a new Hospital Records podcast that I can download.
*Take delight in the little things: laying in bed after you wake up and watching cartoons while you snuggle in your still-warm sheets, stopping and buying a lemonade from the little kid with the stand down the street, blow on a dandelion and make a wish without thinking about how you're spreading weeds.
*Is anyone else with me in thinking that Kevin Federline hasn't really sold 10,000 albums? I'm putting money on the idea that he sold 4 albums...and 9,996 albums to himself. Paid for with Britney's money.
*Being undermedicated has left me with a hair trigger. It doesn't take much to set me off these days. My biggest pet peeve at the moment? People who don't know how to drive. Especially in any weather other than sun. Good god. How is it that all these morons around here drive 80 mph on snow and ice through BLIZZARDS (and I ain't talkin' Dairy Queen there, kids), yet when it rains we are all doing 25 mph? Idgits. I'm surrounded by idgits.
*Whoever came up with the idea to put entire seasons of television shows on DVD was a freakin' genius. As a household, we have: All 5 seasons of 21 Jumpstreet, 2 seasons of Friends, 3 seasons of Will & Grace, 1 season of Dharma & Greg, 3 seasons of Full House, 8 seasons of the Simpsons, 2 seasons of Laguna Beach, 1 season of Charlie's Angels, 3 seasons of The Brady Bunch, 6 seasons of South Park, 1 season of Emergency!, 1 season of Dukes of Hazzard, 4 seasons of Family Guy, 1 season of Ren & Stimpy, 1 season of Tales From the Crypt, 1 season of The Muppet Show, 1 season of Punky Brewster, and 1 season of Spongebob Squarepants. Now they just need to get on releasing C.H.i.P.s. on DVD and I'll be thrilled.
*There's not much I dislike more than dealing with Jesus' pimps. I know it seems like I am "down" on religion, but that isn't exactly the case. If you have a religion that you believe in - great. More power to you, but leave me out of it. I don't want to be converted, I don't need to be saved, and we will never see eye-to-eye.
*Deodorant is one of those must have everyday things for me...and I wish that more people that I have classes with would find that as an essential item as well. The dark room isn't big enough for all of us plus your...ummmm...delightful scent.
*I follow astrology. No, that doesn't make me a whack job. If you actually read about it (and not just magazine horoscopes), it's eerily accurate.
*Gift giving holidays bring out the worst in my patience. I'm always so excited to see people open their gifts and to be able to see and feel the joy that I have been able to bring them that I can never wait to give them their presents! LOL Last year, I gave Matt one of his presents in October!
*On this season of Survivor, the longer the game went on, the hotter Ozzy got. He wasn't nearly as hot at the reunion show when he had put the weight he had lost back on. Does it make me a bad person that I wish he were still slightly emaciated?

*I don't do the whole "pee in the woods" thing. Yeahhh...it ain't happening. Therefore, when I camp I go to campgrounds that at have some rudimentary form of a bathroom.
*I also don't like to swim in bodies of water that I can't see through, i.e. - lakes and rivers and such. Sorry. I prefer to see what I'm swimming with, thanks!
*Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to be able to stop and start time like Evie on the television show out of this world.
*I can't sleep very well unless the door to the room is at least most of the way closed. And if it gets opened while I'm asleep? I'll wake up. Totally.
*There are too many people in the world that I miss. I wish that I could put all of those people on an island with me so that I could see them all the time.
*Christmas is a bittersweet time for me. On one hand, I love Christmas because I love all the decorations, the atmosphere, and being able to make people happy with the gifts I give them. But on the other, 9 days out 10 I can't control my depressions that tends to spiral out of control this time of year.
*If I had a million dollars that I could donate to charity, I would donate it to African AIDS and debt relief. One of the things that makes me absolutely batty is that more people don't CARE about what is happening to the people of Africa - or as I've taken to calling it, "You know, that big fucking land mass just south of Europe?" We can recite the weekend sports scores, we know what club Paris Hilton fell over drunk in last night, but we have no idea what is going on in Sudan. Open you eyes people!
*The fact that Little Miss Sunshine is almost out on DVD thrills me to absolutely no end. I can't wait to own that! Funniest. Movie. Ever.
*I carry a lot of hurt with me. I want to let go of the hurt, but I'm afraid that in order to let go I will have to let go of the person that put it there. And I'm trying so damn hard to keep him in my life. On nights like tonight (when I've drank enough to be honest with myself), I realize that it is a hugely one-sided relationship that hurts me more than it heals me. But I can't let him go - because it would be like letting myself go.
*When I finish writing my autobiography, it'll be titled it "Drowning Without Water" because that's how I feel most days of my life.

*The essential core of friendship for me is complete trust and honesty. Without those things, you have absolutely nothing.
*One thing I wish I could learn is how to let go. As I said before, I have this one relationship... 3 days a week I want it to work out and be better again, 3 days a week I wish I could move on, and 1 day a week I just want to cry because I don't know what I really truly want anymore.
*My son is my biggest accomplishment to date. Nothing I have ever done, and likely nothing I will ever do, can compare to having and raising my son. I know that every parent says this about their kids, but my son rules. Awesomest kid ever!
*Danny Bonaduce is my favorite train wreck. I totally DVR Breaking Bonaduce every week.
*I miss the ol' T.G.I.F. lineup from the old days. Full House at 8, Family Matters at 8:30, Step by Step at 9, and Hangin' with Mr. Cooper at 9:30. Good times, good times. Makes me wish I had a great reason to stay home on Fridays again!
*Although...American Idol will grace the television again next month...luckily, I'll be out of work, so I won't have anything in the way of all 12 nights a week that it's on.
*It's incredibly hard to come up with 100 amusing and/or insightful, yet random things. You should totally try it sometime.
*What is with drunk people and running up stairs? Um, hello? You aren't coordinated enough to walk on flat land, so what makes you think that running up a non-level surface is a great idea? It's happened at every wedding I've ever worked at the hotel, and my best friend used to do it, too. Strange, strange phenomena.
*Just because your wedding is in December, it doesn't mean you need to dress your bridesmaids up like Mrs. Claus. I call that "putting the 'ho' in holiday". Ya dig?
*If I hear one more person say, "This country was founded on Christian ideals - if you don't like it, leave" I will, in fact, be pushed over the homicidal ledge. This country was founded on RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. If YOU don't like THAT, perhaps you are the one that needs to leave. Sorry. Religion is not one size fits all.

*Sometimes I narrate my life in my head while I'm going about my day. British accent optional. I'm not kidding.
*I absolutely abhor cleaning the bathrooms. I'd rather do the laundry. Speaking of which...I looooove laundromats.
*There is no reason to wear sensible librarian shoes with a slutty dress. We aren't fooled by them. We saw the dress.
*My boss is evil. I swear to god he's in training to take over the head asshole position in hell. I'll give him credit, though, he's doing a hell of a job with that training. He is an EXCELLENT asshole.
*I could really use a piece of cake right now. Seeing all the leftover cake from the wedding here at work should be constituted as cruel and unusual punishment.
*Sometimes I wish that before your heart fell in love with someone it figured out a risk analysis. Would totally save a lot of people a lot of trouble. I guess it would take the randomness out of life, though.
*It's amusing to think that Jordan and I are carrying on a conversation through Myspace. Why is that amusing? Because he's just across the building in the kitchen. We could talk in person, but it's such a long walk, ya know?
*I want a cigarette, but it's -7 degrees out...I'm so not going out there. I'm glad that I am such a dedicated smoker. Marlboro is totally going to go bankrupt if I ever quit.
*I'm a total procrastinator. Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now. Who's with me on that one?
*I so can't wait to be unemployed. Spring semester will go by so much more smoothly. And I'll even still get paid a bit!

*I only have 2 days off between now and January 7th. I'm so excited about that, I'm bursting with fruit flavor. Can you tell?
*I am wildly in love with The Fray right now. Seriously. I should probably just go marry them.
*I finally saw my first episode of Grey's Anatomy. No really. I haven't had ABC in about 2 years, so I'd never seen it. It was pretty good.
*I STILL do not see the fascination with Patrick Dempsey. When did everyone start thinking that he was hot exactly? Again, he was the nerd in Can't Buy Me Love. HE ALWAYS WILL BE!
*What is with people either outing celebrities or forcing them to out themselves. It's none of anyone's business. Just because Doogie is gay doesn't mean he can't act.
*I think this year I might actually make some New Year's Resolutions. Stay tuned as to whether or not I actually keep any that I make.
*I love getting my house all decorated for holidays, but sometimes I feel like it isn't worth all the hassle. If I didn't have a kid, I probably wouldn't do nearly as much.
*I read voraciously. I have over 600 books at home, and those are just the ones I actually want to read more than once. This is why no one likes to help me move.
*I pretty sure I love it when my job makes sense and the people in the other departments do their part correctly. I'm still waiting for this to happen at least once so that I can confirm this theory.
*So I have to buy a Mac for school...I would really like to hang myself. Do they even make Oregon Trail anymore?

*Raiders = Super Bowl XLII Champions. It's our time, damn it!
*The fact that the man who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart and held her captive for 9 months has yet to be brought to justice infuriates the hell out of me. Make him take the medication he needs so that he can be declared fit to stand trial already. Shit.
*Money is the bane of my existance. I absolutely suck at all things financial. Matt's definitely in charge of that arena. I just need to be so rich that I don't need to worry about my checkbook balance.
*I categorically refuse to work in the food service industry ever, ever again. I spent the majority of my working years thus far in pizza, plus there was that Target Food Avenue/Taco Bell Express stint in there, and I just cannot do it any longer. I'll make an exception for a lucrative position as a Starbucks barista, though. Might as well subsidize the habit, eh?
*I loooove getting comments from my friends on Myspace. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and yes, I am aware of how big a dork that makes me sound.
*I'm still trying to figure out how it is that I get elected to solve everyone else's problems when I can't even solve my own. Apparently I rule at fixing other people. Too bad I can't seem to work any of that mojo on myself.
*I have absolutely no patience whatsoever. I find it to be highly overrated.
*I always manage to get the psychos and nutjobs at the hotel during my shifts. Like right now. So brilliant.
*Weird Al is so incredibly funny. Look no further than "White & Nerdy" or his "interview" with Kevin Federline. LOL It's good stuff I tell ya. You can see the interview on YouTube. Just search "weird al kevin federline". It's destined to be a classic!
*Alex makes working bearble. Since he's so far ahead of me on the whole time zone issue, I actually get to have him entertain me online for about half my shift. Provided he roll his arse out of bed at a reasonable hour and all...it's not like I pay him or anything.

*The best book ever in the whole world is "If You Give a Moose a Muffin" by Laura Joffe Numeroff. Yes, I'm aware that happens to be a children's book, but it still rules.
*Why does Tom insist on being everyone's friend? I don't know you, Tom, and I really don't want to. And come off it...do you really need 140,555,422 friends? I think not.
*Why must video game retailers always have to have such limited releases on new consoles? I really want a Wii, but there was no way in hell I was going to stand outside Target for 2 days in the snow in November in Montana. Why can't anyone ever release a system in, say, July?
*Vh1's bringing back the World Series of Pop Culture, only this time you can't enter online. And there isn't an audition place near me. I hate you Vh1. I hate you.
*I don't really hate you, Vh1. Really, I don't. I was just upset. You forgive me right? We're still on for another 100 Greatest Songs of the..., right?
*Did I mention how much I hate the fact that I have to buy a Mac? I did? Sorry. I'm obsessing just a bit. It does have a backlit keyboard with ambient light sensor and a built in webcam though...curse you Mac and your sleek functions! Why must you torment me so?!
*Hayley got to be in my favorite city yesterday, seeing two of my favorite attractions, eating at one of my favorite restaurants, and riding one of my favorite public transportation systems. I'd hate her, but she had to stay in Oakland. I think that makes us even.
*The best Punk'd ever was when they got Justin Timberlake. I laughed until I cried on that one. He called his mommy...classic!
*Perez Hilton has ceased to amuse me. It's not snarky anymore...he tends to cross the line to asshole lately. Oh well. I'll just ahve to come up with my own snark!
*I told Alex I wasn't going to make any more references to him, but what the hell: Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex. That will be all.

When You Least Expect It...

2006-12-12T04:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you will sit and reflect on your life and realize that there is some sort of order to the cosmos. An order that will bring you just what you need, when you need it.

I wasn't looking for new friends when this boy sent me a IM to be friendly, but I figured, "Why not chat with him for a bit?". He always left encouraging comments on my Bodymod profile and mods. Even after we had chatted a few times, I still was like, "Nice boy, but I don't need more friends - especially not friends who are 8 years younger than I am."

Then my world started falling apart.

Within just a couple of weeks of beginning to chat with this boy, I was getting harassed at work by my superiors, I picked up a stalker, my depression spiraled out of control, my best friend tried to kill himself...I was a mess. And when the boy would come online to chat, I couldn't be assed to pretend that everything was okay. I laid it all out there so that he couldn't help but see that he was dealing with a fucking raging psycho with way too many issues. And you know what?

He stayed.

He didn't run away. He stayed and tried to help. Told me the things that I needed to hear, and not just what I wanted to hear. He gave me advice and said things that made me question if he was 8 years older than I was instead of the other way around. When I wanted to die because I couldn't untangle my mind and I couldn't stop the world around me from spinning out of control, he was there. He worked at the knots and gave me an anchor to hold me down. He didn't let me quit. He cared, and I believed him when he said it.

He became a friend.

Time marched on, and no matter what kind of messed up shit I threw at him, he was there. He made me smile, he made me come out of whatever funk I was in, he didn't take "Leave me alone" for an answer. The more we've talked and shared, the more I am grateful that he is in my life. Whenever I need a friend to talk to, he's there. No matter what. And recently, I realized it:

He had become a best friend.

I still have the best friend that you have all read about. But as you all have read about - that relationship has changed. Changed to the point where I can't always count on that friend to be there when I need them to be. As a Cancer, we are maternal by nature, but there is something about this boy that makes me fiercely protective. He's like the brother I always wanted and never got. If you have a beef with him, then you are going to have to go through me first. Of course, (since I'm ancient) he calls me Mamma, so that just makes me even more protective.

You may think it's bizarre to have a best friend that you have never properly met - I don't blame you. A little over a year ago I would have been right there with you. But somehow it is possible. I wasn't looking for him, but he found me anyways. I'm looking forward to the day when I finally get to meet him face to face, put my arms around him, and thank him in person for all that he's done. I don't know what I ever did to deserve him, but I'm glad as hell that I did it.

Thank you, Alex.

Mamma loves ya, kid.

Christmasy Blogthings

2006-12-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

Your Christmas Song Is

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight

From baking cookies to giving gifts to everyone...
You enjoy brightening up the season for those you know

What Christmas Carol Are You?

You Are a Tree

You love every part of the holidays, down to the candy canes and stockings. And you're goofy enough to put a Christmas tree ornament on your tree!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady Christmas

For you, it's all about sharing times with family.
Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost.
You make a good puppet.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

Your Elf Name Is...

Candy Twinkle Wink

What's Your Elf Name?

You Are a Bright Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays are all about fun and seasonal favorites.
You are into all things Christmas, even if they're a little tacky.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Little Wrapped Presents

You've made Santa a very happy fellow this year.
Don't worry - what happens at the North Pole stays at the North Pole!

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

You Were Mostly Nice This Year!

Sure, you had your naughty moments... but guess what?
Santa was probably sleeping when you were living it up.
As far as he's concerned, you've been on your best behavior.
So cross your fingers, and you might score good presents.

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

New Music (All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey)

2006-12-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

New Music (Say You'll Be There - Spice Girls)

2006-12-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

Music Video:SAY YOU'LL BE THERE (by Spice Girls)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Say you'll be there

I'm giving you everything all that joy
can bring this I swear

Last time that we had this conversation
I decided we should be friends
Hey,
but now we're going round in circles,
tell me will this deja vu never end? Oh
And now you tell me that you've fallen in love,
well I never ever thought that would be
This time you gotta take it easy
throwing far too much emotions at me
But any fool can see they're falling,
I gotta make you understand

I'm giving you everything all that joy can bring this I swear
(I give you everything)
And all that I want from you is a promise you will be there
Say you will be there (Say you will be there)
Won't you sing it with me

If you, put two and two together
you will see what our friendship is for (Oh)
If you can't work this equation then
I guess I'll have to show you the door
There is no need to say you love me,
It would be better left unsaid

I'm (I'm) giving you everything (I give you everything)
all that joy(all the joy) can bring this I swear (yes I swear)
and (and) all that I want from you (all I want from you) is a promise
(is a promise) you will be there
Yeah, I want you

Any fool can see they're falling,
gotta make you understand

I'll give you everything on this I swear
Just promise you'll always be there
I'm giving you everything (I m giving you everything)
all that joy (all that joy can bring) can bring this I
swear (yes I swear)
and all that I want from you (all that I want from you) is a promise
(I want you to promise you'll) you
will be there (always be there)

I'm giving you everything (I m giving you everything)
all that joy (all that joy can bring) can bring this I swear (yes I swear)
and all that I want from you (all that I want from you) is a promise
(I want you to promise you'll)
you will be there (always be there)

*starts fading*
I'm giving you everything
all that joy can bring yes i swear. (yes i swear)

*fades*

Way Stolen From Amy....Shhhh, Don't Say Anything!

2006-12-08T00:25:00.000-07:00

List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once.

1. I'm not nearly as smart and good as you think I am. Everytime you say things like that to me, it just makes me feel even more inferior inside.

2. I went with you because you needed a ride, and I didn't want you to have to go through it alone. It doesn't mean that we're friends, and there is a reason why I've never called you since.

3. I know that I'm better than you, and I'm not ashamed of thinking that at all. I feel kinda bad about that.

4. I honestly don't think he's good enough for you.

5. I die a little more each time you don't answer your phone. Sometimes your voice is the only sound I want to hear, and I just want to feel that warmth and safety again. I want to feel whole.

6. I will never forgive you the ugly, spiteful things you said to me. If you weren't so important to him, I would kick the holy fucking shit out of you for saying them. Consider yourself on notice.

7. I'm still hurt over how you acted. It would have meant a lot for you to be there, and you totally bailed on me. It was something that only happens once and you blew me off for no good reason.

8. Don't patronize me. If you don't like my work, say so and tell me why. I can't grow as an artist when all you say is, "That's...nice."

9. I think you're narrow-minded, bigoted, and somewhat racist. That hurts me more than you know.

10. My tattoos and piercings don't make me a freak. Stop treating me differently because you know that I have them.

Please Help

2006-11-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

Recently, my dear friend Adam told me some devastating news. His 3 year old daughter, Indigo, was flown to Denver for emergency surgery to remove a stage 2 Wilms Tumor on her left kidney. The surgeons had to take her kidney, too, as it was destroyed by the tumor. As you can imagine the costs associated with cancer treatment are not cheap, and unfortunately, these costs will not be covered by Indigo's insurance. Right now, Adam and his wife Carri are looking at owing well over $200,000 to cover Indigo's treatments.

Right now, the Bodymod.org family is hosting a fundraiser to help cover the astronomical costs that this wonderful family is facing. I know that it is the holidays and that money is tight for everyone, but Indigo and her family need our help. Even if you could just spare $5, it would help. Think about it, $5 is a drink at Starbucks or this week's issue of People magazine. If you can donate please click on the "Help Indigo" banner at the top of this post or go to www.helpindigo.com. From there, you can read Indigo's story and donate via Paypal with your credit or debit card. If you would prefer to send a check or money order, you can either contact me or contact Bodymod.org's administrator Adam Callen (adam@bodymod.org) to find out how that can be done. 100% of all donations received will be given directly to Adam, Carri & Indigo.

We all have a special child in our lives, whether they are our child, a grandchild, a niece or nephew, or just someone special to us that we could not imagine living without. Please help us help Indigo.

Will That Be 1 Xanax or 2?

2006-11-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough week for me. It's the year anniversary of my best friend's suicide attempt. The year anniversary of our descent further into the abyss. On one hand, I can't believe it's been a whole year. On the other, I can't believe it's ONLY been a year. I feel like I've lived a thousand lives since that fateful day when my world turned upside down and shattered me.

The chronicle of my friendship with Tyson has been discussed ad nauseum here, so I won't rehash the entire ordeal. I just can't. It still hurts - a whole year later. I thought I had moved on. I thought that I had come to terms with everything that had happened.

I was wrong.

The realization of the anniversary hit me almost as hard as the moment my phone rang that day. I couldn't just note it and move on, either. I've been reliving the entire thing all week long. It's like a bad movie on loop. You want to look away but you can't. You want it to stop, but the projector is stuck on play and you can't move away. All week long, I see him suffering. All week long, I feel that helplessness. I've rehashed and rehashed like an athlete watching game film. What could I have done differently? Where did I fumble?

The hardest part of it all? Neither of us are okay yet. We're both struggling to keep our heads above water. And we're swimming with sharks. Sharks we don't understand and sharks we don't know how to chase away.

I'd love to say that our friendship is great at least...but it's not. We're still friends. We still love each other, but since he moved away, it's different. The circumstances of the past 5 months devastated me, and it's not something that I can overcome in an instant - in one evening together.

I wish I knew how to put us back together. I wish had the patience for that to happen naturally. But still...one year ago, the thing that I was most thankful for was the fact that he was still alive. One year later, it's still the same.

New Music (Fall to Pieces - Velvet Revolver)

2006-11-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

Music Video:FALL TO PIECES (by Velvet Revolver)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

It's been a long year
Since you've been gone
I've been alone here
I've grown old
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

I keep a journal of memories
I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

All the years I've tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I'm waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you
We're falling down
I'm falling

Every time I’m falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
Every time I’m falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
Every time I’m falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
Every time I’m falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

The Thanksgiving Recap

2006-11-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

So Thanksgiving went pretty well this year. I had to work Wednesday night, which sucked since it meant I didn't get home until 8am Thursday, but bygones. I made everything from scratch this year (except the cranberries...I love me some canned cranberries! LOL), and it all turned out pretty good. In addition to the turkey, our menu included:

Sour Cream & Horseradish Mashed Potatoes
Sweet Sausage Stuffing
Green Bean Casserole
Cream Biscuits
Cranberries
Pumpkin Pie

Not too shabby. Of course, we watched football all day, too! While preparing dinner, I somehow managed to slice my finger open on a can. It was pretty sweet...bled for a half an hour, even with the whole direct pressure-hold it above your heart business. I probably should have had a stitch or 3 put in it, but where's the fun in that?

And, of course, I hit the day after Thanksgiving sales bright and early! I was at Wal-Mart by 5am. Go team! This year I only went to Wal-Mart, Staples, and Target. I was home by 7:30! I almost got into a scuffle at Staples when some guy attempted to steal one of my items I was in line to purchase, but I put him in his place rather quickly. No one messes with my bargains!!

New Music (Say It Right - Nelly Furtado)

2006-11-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

Music Video:SAY IT RIGHT (by Nelly Furtado)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite you tonite

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

Me, for Now

2006-11-19T21:03:00.000-07:00

I Am...
Sad, yet hopeful

Fiercely protective of my friends, one of whom is having a rough go this week

Grateful that my son is healthy

A woman who wants more out of life than the establishment is willing to give

I Want...
Someone to find a way to prevent childhood cancer

A reason to believe in a higher power

An evening with my best friend

A plane ticket to London for Friday. HUGE rave going down, and I SO want to be there.

I Love...
My little family, loving me unconditionally

My Alex, for knowing what to say...always.

My Tyson, for making me feel like I've done something worthwhile in my life

The feeling of freshly washed pajamas in front of the fire with a good book and a mug of hot peppermint schnapps-spiked cocoa

I Need...
A break from everything

A place where I can withdraw and find solace

Who are you, and what do you want, love, and need?

A Little Advice K-Fed? SUCK IT. That Will Be All.

2006-11-15T01:27:00.000-07:00

Music Video:LOSE CONTROL (by Kevin Federline)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

That's right just get it
Let you feel it
Make you lose control
This is that hip-hop flavor mixed with a lil bit of rock & roll
Valet your whip Grab your chick
You know how it goes
I got that shit, I got them beats thatll make you lose control

Step up in the club, so fresh and clean
Not the outcast that they label me
I'm rolling with a team, that roll so deep
We in and out the club everyday of the week
And I make them hits, when the beat drop
That's when you here me say say hold up, stop

Let me take you back to 5o'clock
When I roll the lamborghini off the block
But not before I made them chop the top
And throw some 20 shoe's, oh thats hot

Hit Nastros For a bite to eat
No tuxedo cuz they reconize me
Her lifestyle, the rich living, the fast cars
Don't hate 'cuz I'm a superstar and I married a superstar
Never come between us no matter who you are, cmon

That's right just get it
Let you feel it
Make you lose control
This is that hip-hop flavor mixed with a lil bit of rock & roll
Valet your whip Grab your chick
You know how it goes
I got that shit, I got them beats thatll make you lose control

Closet full of kicks
Garage full of whips
Vegas crap table got the pit ball sticks
They never seen a kid win like this
So rich, that I tattoo the dice on my wrist
And my girl too, It's no coincidence that SRT got all black tints
I've never been a digger but I rock 'em nuggets
One earing cost more than your budget
I ain't here to brag I'm just here to pop tags
My ferrari cost more than your lil S-class
Look man I'm in a whole 'nother tax bracket
It don't matter what you blow, boy you can't match it
40 grand I take the whole crew to Miami
Then we pop Crys off like they won Grammy's
I take care of my own, that's my family
Magazine talk 'cuz they don't understand me

That's right just get it
Let you feel it
Make you lose control
This is that hip-hop flavor mixed with a lil bit of rock & roll
Valet your whip Grab your chick
You know how it goes
I got that shit, I got them beats thatll make you lose control

That's right just get it
Let you feel it
Make you lose control
This is that hip-hop flavor mixed with a lil bit of rock & roll
Valet your whip Grab your chick
You know how it goes
I got that shit, I got them beats thatll make you lose control

Ahhh, yes. The sweet, sultry sounds of Kevin Federline. I haven't heard mic skills like these since...ever. Good god. Is this all it takes to make it as a rapper these days? Christ. Sign me up! I rocked the mic with a karaoke version of Ice Ice Baby that was blasted inspiring compared to this crap. Please don't get used to hearing this on here. It won't last very long, it's just serving to prove a point. LOL

Then the blasted idiot thinks that he should get custody of his kids with Britney. What the fuck is he smoking? Must be pretty good stuff...I should call and ask where he's getting it. He probably shouldn't get too used to it, though. Soon he won't be able to afford it. I love how he's dangling this alleged honeymoon sex tape over Britney's head. He claims that if she doesn't give him $30 MILLION and custody of the kids, he'll sell it. Bids are allegedly up to $50 million for the alleged 4 hour tape.

Yeah, Father of the Year. That's K-Fed. Why didn't he push for custody of his other children? Oh yeah, those royalties from Moesha are just pouring in for Shar Jackson aren't they. Pure and simple - he couldn't profit off pushing that agenda. He doesn't want the boys. He just wants a bigger slice of Britney's money. Because we all know that as much money as he's going to make with his mad rap skills, he's going to need a smidge more to keep up his lavish lifestyle. Did you know that it's been estimated that he's gone through $50 MILLION of Britney's money in JUST 2 YEARS?!?! Shit. Sign me up for that, too. How does one really spend that kind of money and have not much to show for it outside of some new trucker hats?

He really should have stuck to dancing, which (I'll give credit where it's due) he was actually pretty good at. He was even a decent model back in the day. You wouldn't guess it these days, though.

To Britney I say, stay strong. Even if he releases the tape, it will only fuel your comeback in the end. And like any judge is really going to grant loser boy full custody of Sean and Jayden.

I think Hitler has a better chance at gaining custody of a whole Jewish orphange than Fed-Ex (I love the tabloids for coming up with that one!) has at gaining custody of your boys.

Something Light & Fluffy

2006-11-14T01:14:00.000-07:00

Your Expression Number is 9

An idealist and humanitarian, you strive to make the world a better place.
You do your best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion.
Deep down, you dream of being loved by many.

You are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others.
While you are very ambitious, you never lose site of perspective.
You have an abundance of creative talents... you just need to tap into them.

Although you are a giving person, you can become selfish if you are ignored.
If you are not able to help people, you tend to shelf your talents.
Without others, you become aloof and start to lack sensitivity.

What's Your Expression Number?

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 74%

You are a total movie buff. Classics, blockbusters, indie favorites... you've seen most of them.Your friends know to come to you whenever they need a few good DVD rental suggestions.

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouamoviebuffquiz/">Are You a Movie Buff?

You Are A Margarita Martini

You are a full on partier, with a good deal of sass and spunk.
You're always friendly and welcoming - and very tolerant of obnoxious drunks.

You should never: Drink and dance. The pictures will be everywhere the next morning!

Your ideal party: Is loud, with good music and fun drinking games.

Your drinking soulmates: Those with a Dirty Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: Those with a Classic Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

You Are 48% Politically Radical

You've got some radical viewpoints, but you aren't completely nuts. You're more of a visionary than a radical.

Are You a Political Radical?

You Belong in San Francisco

You crave an eclectic, urban environment. You're half California, half NYC.
You're open minded, tolerant, and secretly think you're the best.
People may dismiss you as a hippie, but you're also progressive, interesting, and rich!

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

You Are The Hanging Man

You represent the seeking of enlightenment and spiritual clarity.
You tend to confuse others, but your oddities seem deeply satisfying.
Self sacrifice is easy for you, especially if it makes you a better person in the end.
You are the type of person who is very in touch with your soul and inner spirit.

Your fortune:

Right now is a good time for reflection and meditation.
You should stop resisting the problems in your life, and let yourself be vulnerable to them.
You may need to sacrifice something important to you to move ahead in your life.
Accept your destiny with courage, and learn to let go of what you think you need.

What Tarot Card Are You?

[b]You've Experienced 76% of Life[/b]

[img]http://images.blogthings.com/howmuchlifeexperiencedoyouhavequiz/life-4.jpg[/img]

You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get.
And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years.

[b]How Much Life Experience Do You Have?[/b]

[url]http://www.blogthings.com/howmuchlifeexperiencedoyouhavequiz/[/url]

Let Me Tell You A Story...

2006-11-12T01:37:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl who saw the world as her oyster. She believed that she could and (more importantly) WOULD do everything she set her mind to do. By the time she was 8, she had made a list of how her life would pan out over the next 2 decades and vowed that she would watch the items on that list be ticked off one by one. Here is that list:

*High school valedictorian
*Harvard
*Graduate Harvard as valedictorian in 3 years
*Harvard Law School
*Graduate valedictorian
*Junior partner in big city law firm by 26
*Senior partner in said law firm by 30

That same girl wrote to Harvard for admissions requirements when she was 8. No harm in getting started early, right? No harm in setting goals, right? Maybe not, but for someone who isn't all that terribly stable between the ears it is. I'm sure all of you have already guessed that the little girl is me. And yes, all of that is true. Now here I am, 26, and nothing on that list has come to be.

I worked my ass off in high school, but thanks to Senora Arietta and her bullshit B+ in Spanish, I didn't make valedictorian. (That's not just sour grapes talking, statistically, my grade in her class should have been an A. If you average 110 and 80...you get 95. Thanks again...ho.)

I followed the Harvard path, but when I applied I was rejected outright. I had an SAT of 1260. Pretty damn good, if I did say so myself, but apparently the dumbest kid at Harvard has a 1350. It was suggested that perhaps I would be happier at an institution such as Brown. No really. They actually suggested I apply to Brown instead. Never mind all my other qualifications - one lousy number (which is a fucking good number, thankyouverymuch) shot down my Harvard dreams. The dreams that I had been working towards for the past 10 years. Thanks guys.

Right then and there, the rest of my list was nullified. Poof. Gone. Without Harvard, the rest of my vision was gone. Instead, I'm 26. No degree. No high paying job. Granted I do have good things in my life. My husband. My son. A handful of really wonderful friends. I mean, REALLY wonderful. But I still feel incomplete as a person. And I know it's that damn list I made nearly 20 years ago that's the problem.

So I say fuck it. It's time to forget about that damn list and move on. I'd say I'll create a new list, but I don't want to put that on myself again. Because if and when it doesn't happen, I don't want to feel like a failure again. But you know what? Not everyone needs goals. It really can be enough just to have an idea of where you want to go.

I have my ideas.

Totally, Shamefully, Unremorsefully Stolen Off Amy's Blog!

2006-11-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

The 7 Deadly Sins

WRATH

Who did you last get angry with? ~ Tyson. Although, I'm not really angry with him...just hurt.

What do you get the most passionately angry about? ~ Since I'm stealing things, I'm totally stealing Amy's answer on this one because it's exactly what I was going to say, down to the letter! LOL You so rule, Amy! "I absolutely hate intolerance…I have no tolerance for it (which I suppose is intolerant…but whatever). My hot button issues are usually gay rights and racial issues."

Who has the ability to make you angry like none other? ~ Tyson, but again, it's not anger - it's hurt. I've told him a million and one times: he's both the easiest and the hardest person to love in the whole world.

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? ~ Absolutely. Every fight I've been in save for one has been with a guy. And I'm currently undefeated. Never underestimate motivation and a bad attitude!

How about of the same sex? ~ I'm an equal opportunity sort of fighter.

Who was the last person that got really angry at you? ~ I dunno...probably Matt. I'm not the easiest person to live with.

Were they justified in their anger? ~ Yeah, probably. See above.

Have you ever been hurt but hid it behind anger? ~ For the most part, if I'm hurt you'll know it.

SLOTH

What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? ~ Go to the gym...I really need to be better about that.

What is the latest you've ever woken up? ~ I sleep weird hours since I work overnight shifts. So if I wake up at 6pm and I went to sleep at 9am, that's really not that late. That said, while I was sick not too long ago, I slept for 26 hours straight. :oP

Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: ~ For the most part, I've attempted contacting everyone I've been meaning to, but I haven't gotten to speak with them all yet.

What is the last lame excuse you've made? ~ I make lots of lame excuses. LOL In fact, I make so many I'm not even able to think of one at the moment to put down here for you all to giggle at!

Have you ever put off till tomorrow what you should do today? ~ Welcome to my world. Refreshments are on the table to your left.

When was the last time you got a good workout in? ~ This past weekend in Seattle. I walked everywhere carrying a 15 pound bag!

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? ~ I didn't feel very well, so I didn't even bother setting the alarm. LOL Instead, I stayed in bed all day long.

GLUTTONY

What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? ~ Double amaretto mocha from the little coffee hut I pass on the way to school. So good. Don't even get me started on Starbucks! LOL I can drink there for days...

White meat or dark meat? ~ White meat. I so can't wait until Thanksgiving!

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had at one time? ~ I stopped counting. LOL I do know that my record for shots in an hour is 13 shots of tequila. Tyson & I used to go and drink copious amounts of liquor. We rule.

Do you have an issue with your weight? ~ I don't have an issue with my weight. I have a subscription.

Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? ~ Mostly sweet foods, but I also get hankerings for spicy foods now and then.

Do you eat when you are sad, mad, or bored? ~ All of the above. Sadly.

LUST

How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? ~ A couple.

How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? ~ Only 1 completely, a handful partially. Surely you recall the joys of high school P.E.?

Have you wanted someone who was taken? ~ Yep. And it completely blows.

What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? ~ I love eyes and lips and arms. Mmmm... Nice. :oP

Have you ever had a one-night stand? ~ No

Have you ever really 'made love'? ~ Again, Amy said it best, so I'll steal this answer, too! "I will say yes, but can I just tell you how much I HATE THAT PHRASE????? I f-ing hate it. It's cheesy and weird and I hate it."

Have you ever had a kiss that almost felt better then sex due to emotions? ~ Yes

Have you had sex or fooled around in a public place? ~ Yeah :)

Have you ever worried about having an STD or being pregnant? ~ No

Have you ever slept with someone who you didn't care about at all? ~ No

Have you ever slept with someone whom you didn't know their name? ~ No

GREED

How many credit cards do you own? ~ Just one. Go me!

What's your guilty pleasure? ~ Celebrity news, cheesy MTV reality shows.

If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? ~ Pay off my debt, travel the world, make a college fund for Hunter

Would you rather be rich or famous? ~ Rich.

Would you rather be rich or in love? ~ In love.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? ~ I probably would, and tell myself that I would be happy. Then I'd realize that I am not and won't be happy so I'd quit.

Have you ever stolen anything? ~ Yeah.

PRIDE

What's the one thing you've done that you're most proud of? ~ Stopping my best friend from ending his life. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I was petrified that he would hate me for it.

What's the one thing you've done that your parents are most proud of? ~ Probably becoming a parent myself.

What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? ~ Contentment with myself. I have come to the realization that I may never love myself, hell...I may never even LIKE myself, but if I can just learn to be content with who and what I am, then eventually I can achieve some semblance of happiness.

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? ~ Usually. It depends on how bad I wanted first place to begin with.

Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? ~ Yes.

What did you do today that you're proud of? ~ Nothing really. LOL I updated my iPod. That was pretty sweet.

ENVY

What item of your friend's would you most want to have for your own? ~ I honestly can't think of a single thing right now. Maybe I need more friends...LOL

If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? ~ Someone who is comfortable in their own skin.

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? ~ Umm, yeah...a smaller ass, perhaps?

What trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? ~ Self-confidence.

Have you ever wanted your friends boyfriend or girlfriend? ~ No

Have you ever stolen your friends boyfriend or girlfriend? ~ No

New Music (Drive - Incubus)

2006-11-08T00:48:00.000-07:00

Music Video:DRIVE (by Incubus)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found

So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes

Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive?

Jen's Seattle Adventure - Saturday

2006-11-05T16:01:00.002-07:00

Saturday morning dawned rainy again. LOL So today I got to trudge to the convention center through 1-2" of standing water! Fab. I could have driven, but I categorically refused to pay $14 to park my car. :o)

I hit the vendor faire again briefly to turn in my door prize ticket and to pick up a couple of tin kits that the Boxer Productions rep had shown us in the class the night before that we just too cute and too good of a deal to pass up, plus I wanted to get the templates to make more anyways.

My first class today was My Daughter's Hand, which was Quick Quotes girl version of the explosion book class I took yesterday. Cute project, but we had a bit of excitement - one of the girls in the class had a seizure about a third of the way into the class and we had to call for an ambulance. I felt so bad for her. She's okay, though.

My next class was Take the Printer to the Project, sponsered by Xyron. We ended up not doing the projects, but just learning how to yuse the Xyron Design Runner, but we got a ton of cool products. We got the Making Memories Vintage Hip paper collection, the Bazzill Hillary Monochromatic Trio cardstock pack, the MM Vintage Hip Trim kit, and the MM Vintage Hip Findings kit. Awesomeness! And more awesomeness? I won a the Romance design card for the Design Runner! I told Matt that he needs to buy me one now! LOL

My last class of the convention was Quick & Fabulous Embellishments, sponsered by Deluxe Designs. This one came out cute, but it was definitely too much for 1 hour, since everything needed to be traced and cut out. Apparently, it used to be a 90-minute class. Oh well. I finished mine up at the crop.

At the crop, I sat next to a set of sisters from Idaho that were a bunch of fun to hang out with. I won a door prize, too! I won a CK Easy Scrapbooking idea book. Here's the layouts I managed to finish up:

My Tyson layout still needs to have the journaling printed out, as well as a couple of smaller pictures for the right hand page. My About Me layout needs the picture (that will go where I have the white paper), too. I forgot to print one out in the dark room before I left for Seattle! LOL

So that's pretty much my trip! I'll probably think of more later, but enjoy for now!

Jen's Seattle Adventure - Friday

2006-11-03T14:07:00.001-07:00

So I got up bright and early this morning to head over to the convention center to get registered for CKC and pick up my class tickets. Of course, it's raining, so I trudge 2 blocks through the rain. This wouldn't be terrible since I have an umbrella, but with the construction I have to cross the same street 3 different times! LOL It's was bizarre. Essentially, from the hotel I wnt to the end of the block, crossed to the west side, then to the south side, then back to the east side, went to the end of that block, then crossed back to the west side. Oy! LOL

My first class was at 8:30 and it was called My Son's Hand, sponsered by Quick Quotes. We made the most adorable explosion book! So, so cute.

After the class, I went down to the vendor faire and bought some goodies. I got some canvases to make some more explosion books for Christmas gifts, some Cat's Eye Chalks, and other little odds and ends. I also went around and collected all my freebies! LOL Afterwards, I went back upstairs to where the classes where being held to chill with a snack and listen to my favorite podcast on my iPod until my next class. While I was there, I met two great girls, Christy & Taraleigh, from Canada, eh. It turned out that Christy was going to be in my class, and we totally hit it off. So she & I hung out during the class and we made plans for all 3 of us to hang out at the crop later that night. Funnily enough, we were all staying at the Paragon Hotel, just a few rooms apart!

My next class was another one sponsered by Quick Quotes called, Forever My Son. We made 3 layouts, and boy oh boy did we BOOK! Christy and I were dying laughing because we kept cracking jokes about how we should have done some calistetics to warm up! The layouts were way cute, though.

My last class of the day was Canned Memories II, sponsored by Boxer Productions. We made an adorable mint tin accordian album. I made mine to highlight pictures every month of 2007.

Finally, I hit the crop and had a blast with my new friends. I didn't win any of the door prizes, but that was okay. Here's what I did at the crop:

Jen's Seattle Adventure - Thursday

2006-11-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

So there's me, feeling sassy. LOL I took it for Alex, since I always make him take pictures for me to see and I categorically refuse to have my picture taken. So there I am in the standard hold the camera out and up Myspace style. Enjoy. You know you are!

But anyhoo.....enought of that.

Okay, here we go...what you came here for: Day 1 of Jen's 1st Solo Vacay! It's really an exercise of good news/bad news.

Good News:
The day started off great. Matt & I took Hunter to school, went out for a nice breakfast, and took a drive to see if we could find this herd of elk that keeps coming out of the mountains. We got to the airport, got me checked in and through security. The great thing about the Bozeman airport is it takes very little time to do all that. I showed up at 12:30-ish for a 1:45 flight, and I had about 50 minutes to kill after I got through security. So I had plenty of time to play Sudoku on my Nintendo DS while I waited. Then we got on the plane.

Bad News:
Now call me kooky, but a plane taking off should not look like a bunny rabbit. Once it's up it's up is my philosophy. Apparently, my pilot is not a member of that same school of thought. We got about, oh, 15 feet or so off the ground and then dropped allllll the way back down to the runway. Then we took off. Um? What the fuck was that? Everyone on board was a little nervous after that. It appeared to be let your 4 year old fly the plane day.

Good News:
We made good time in the air, though, and actually arrived in Seattle a bit early. I always love flying into Seattle because it's always so pretty. I could totally see myself living here one day. Awesome, awesome stuff.

Bad News:
Apparently, not only can our pilot not take off, but he cannot land, either. We go to land on the runway and if you picture skipping rocks on a pond....we were the rock. We bounced not 1, not 2, not even 3, but 5 TIMES BEFORE WE MANAGED TO KEEP 'ER ON THE GROUND. Sooooo less than amused.

Good News:
I go down to baggage claim, and my bags arrive in LESS THAN 5 MINUTES. Amazing! I'm never gotten my bags so quickly in my life. I even managed to find a luggage cart to assist me with my 2 suitcases and 2 carryons. Then I head over to the Thrifty Rental Car counter to get my prearranged for rental.

Bad News:
You knew that was coming, didn't you! When I get there, they inform me that they will need to authorize my credit card for $150, which is twice the amount of my rental. Hmmm, alright. So I present my Visa Check Card. Then I'm told since it's actually a debit card, it needs to be authorized for $250. Excuse me? Needless to say, I do not have $250 available to be authorized and held on my card. Then they tell me that the rental that I have a confirmation of as being $73.46 inclusive of all tax, charges, and gifts for the owner is actually going to be $114.85. Say it with me now: what the everloving fuck? Apparently there was some additional per day surcharge. I'm not sure I want to continue at this point. So I tell them I'll come back. I go to EVERY OTHER RENTAL COUNTER. Can't get a car for anywhere near that price, which I kinda knew would happen - this is why I went with Thrifty to begin with. Sigh. So now I need to figure out this authorization thing. I figure I'll just transfer enough money to cover the authorization out of savings for now then put it back later. To do this, I need the internet. SEA-TAC has wireless. Brilliant. So I pull out my laptop...it's $8 to use the internet. Excuse me? But what can I do? Nothing. I get that taken care of, go back to the rental counter, fill out the paperwork, get on the courtesy shuttle, and go get my car.

Good News:
I choose a compact car for price. I was afraid I would end up with one of those miniature mobiles that Chevy calls the Aveo. I drove one as a rental before, and I thought I was going to develop some anxiety disorder. Way too small. Lucky Jen, though, I ended up with the Nissan Sentra.

Bad News:
By now it's fairly dark, and it's raining holy buckets. I drive into downtown to see if I can't at least try to get some good night shots for my photo class. Yeah...NO. Did I mention it's also now RUSH HOUR? It is. Oy vey. I drive by Pike Place Market and the Space Needle, but can't find anywhere to park that's not a million dollars and it's raining monsoonally now. So I figure, oh well, I'll just head to Bellevue, since my dinner reservation is at 8:30 and I want to get settled in and shower at the hotel.

Good News:
I saw quite a bit of downtown Seattle and some of the different neighborhoods. The Space Needle looks AWESOME lit up at night. I can totally see myself living here someday. I think that Matt & I will have to come here sometime for a little vacation.

Bad News:
How did I come to see so much of Seattle? BECAUSE I WAS GIVEN REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD DIRECTIONS TO BELLEVUE! Directions that I followed to the letter then went "Um, where the hell am I?" So I had to stop for directions, but first I had to find a place that was open. Oy. I finally found a hair salon, and a lovely girl not only gave me GREAT directions that were so simple I was able to recite them off the top of my head while driving, she also drew me the most adorable little map. Thanks, hair salon girl! Jen arrives at SEA-TAC: 2:40. Jen arrives at her hotel in Bellevue: 7:30. Nice.

Good News:
My room rocks. The bed is amazingly comfortable, I have a balcony, I overlook the pool AND the courtyard, awesomeness. They even have robes in the room! I've never stayed somewhere that has that. Go me!

Bad News:
Since the Nazis have vacated Germany and taken positions with the Department of Homeland Security and the TSA, I couldn't bring a lighter or matches. I'm sure most of you had no clue, but there are 3 times in life when I reeeeally just want a cigarette:

1) I'm bar hopping
2) I'm playing pool
3) I'm extremely stressed/frustrated.

So here I am. Sitting in a smoking room. Cigarettes on the counter. No incindiary device other than my sparkling personality. Which is not lighting my cigarette. So I go down to the front desk, and ask for matches. There are NO matches in the entire hotel? Whaaaa....? But I don't have time to dwell because I need to get my happy arse in the shower so I can make it to dinner.

Good News:
The Melting Pot. If you have one near you, YOU MUST GO. It is so freaking awesome. I loooooove it. Way expensive, but I'll get to that in a minute. First we'll break it down for you.

The Drink

Mmmmm, the Yin Yang. I want to bathe in this drink it is so good! Godiva White Chocolate liqueur, Stoli Vanil Vodka, and vanilla ice cream. Then to make the symbol on top, they use dark chocolate shavings, white chocolate shavings, and the dots are dark & white chocolate buttons. Ah crap...I want another one now just thinking about it! LOL I was going to order a second at the restaurant, but they're freaking $11 each. Couldn't justify a second one...

The Cheese Course

Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm. They make the fondue right at your table for you. The center of your table is like a flat top range to keep things going, very cool! I got the Quatro Formaggio Cheese Fondue. It has Provolone, Asiago, Fontina, and Gruyere cheeses, white wine, basil pesto, and roasted pepper marinara sauce. My waitress also put some Marscapone cheese in mine, too. They serve it with chunks of sourdough & pumpernickel breads, carrots, cauliflower, celery, and Granny Smith apples. Awesomeness!

The Salad

No picture here because we've all seen salad! LOL It was a delicious Chopped Caesar Salad, though. It was your basic Caesar, but instead of croutons it had parmesan crusted pine nuts. Mmm Mmm. More awesomeness!

The Main Course

For my main course, I chose the Fondue Feast and the Mojo cooking style. The Mojo cooking style was a Caribbean-influenced bouillon with orange & lime juices, chopped garlic, and cilantro. The Fondue Feast included: Filet Mignon Medallions, Porcini-rubbed Strip Sirloin, Breast of Chicken, Tuscan Herb Breast of Chicken, Black Tiger Shrimp, and Sun-dried Tomato Marscarpone Cheese Ravioli. The ravioli was striped! You can kind of see it in the picture: one's green striped, one's red striped. It also came with red potato wedges, broccoli, button mushroom caps, and zucchini. It's so much food! You just drop the meats/vegetables (which come to you raw) into the fondue pot and cook 'em for about 2 minutes. So good and so fun!

The Chocolate Course

Mmmmm. Again, so good! I chose the Special Event fondue where you get to sort of make up your own. I chose dark chocolate with Grand Marnier. MMMM MMMM MMMM! My waitress flambeed it tableside, too. So cool! The serve it with strawberries, pineapple, bananas, oreo-crusted marshmallows, graham cracker-crusted marshmallows, pound cake, brownies, and cheesecake! Fabulous.

Total cost of dinner, with tax & tip: $75.00

So that was my Thursday!

New Music (Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol)

2006-10-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

Music Video:CHASING CARS (by Snow Patrol)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

My Seven Deadly Sins

2006-10-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

Your Gluttony Quotient: 70%

Eating is not just a hobby for you - it's your life.
And while your friends do appreciate your good taste in food, they're a little disgusted by how fast you shovel it down.

How Much Gluttony Do You Have?

Your Greed Quotient: 45%

You are somewhat greedy, but your greed is probably a healthy motivator.
Wanting nice things is normal, as long as it doesn't take over your life.

How Much Greed Do You Have?

Your Sloth Quotient: 37%

You're a little lazy, but normally you're a very energetic and motivated person.
Don't beat yourself up over a little laziness every now and then. You do need your downtime!

How Much Sloth Do You Have?

Your Wrath Quotient: 75%

Everyone around you pretty much fears your wrath... which is probably what you want.
But just remember, there's a very thin line between fear and hate!

How Much Wrath Do You Have?

Your Lust Quotient: 76%

You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you!
You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.

How Much Lust Do You Have?

Your Envy Quotient: 32%

You are an occasionally envious person, but jealousy doesn't usually get the better of you.
You're wise enough to know that envy feels horrible - and does nothing to improve your life.
A little jealousy is normal: so go ahead and let yourself feel it. But don't let it bum you out!

How Much Envy Do You Have?

Your Pride Quotient: 44%

You have your proud moments, but you're also likely to be a little ashamed of them.
Don't be too hard on yourself. It's normal to want to make a stellar impression.

How Much Pride Do You Have?

Me, Today...

2006-10-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

{ feeling }

tired. longing. excitement for my trip. bored of work. wishing that things were somewhat different than what they are. proud of myself in regards to my photo work at school.

{ enjoying }

the quiet that is going on. the music on alex's myspace page. my photo class.

{ grateful for }

my husband and son and their unconditional love. reuniting with tyson. alex's unwavering support.

{ anticipating }

a wonderful trip to seattle. seeing hunter in his halloween costume trick-or-treating.

{ listening to }

marilyn manson. the soundtrack to rent. the fray. nickelback. hinder. cyantific. london elektricity.

{ reading }

running with scissors by augusten burroughs. coming of age in mississippi by anne moody.

{ wishing }

for internal peace. for a phone call from tyson. that jordan would come over and make me some food while i'm sitting here working. that love finds alex because he is the definition of an excellent human being. that i were in san francisco.

...what are you feeling / enjoying / grateful for / listening to / reading / wishing today?

Finally...

2006-10-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

So I've tried to write this post for about 5 days now. It's been really hard. Instead, I've been taking the easy way out. Most people know that the music I post is usually directly correlated to things that are going on in my world or to things that I'm feeling. I'm guessing that even without my commentary that most people would assume where I was going with the last song knowing what happened about 2 weeks ago and how everyone felt about it, but I feel the need to say something.

To start, I understand why people are concerned. Given all that has happened over the past year with Tyson & I, it's completely understandable. That said. Please don't make me feel bad for taking him back. He is not just some random person that hurt me and left. He is my BEST FRIEND. I was devastated when he left. I was devastated while he was gone. I was devastated when he showed up seemingly out of the blue. But I'm not taking him back just because of my devastation. I'm not doing it just to make me feel better. My eyes are open.

When we met up, I told him what it was like for me to have him leave how he did. How it felt to not understand. And he apologized. He felt terrible for hurting me, even though he didn't know that he did until that moment. He promised that he would never hurt me again. And I believe him. We're building our relationship back again. And I need that. I need him.

So, I appreciate your concern for me. I really do. Please, please understand that. But please also understand where I'm coming from, too. There is a piece of my heart that stays with him. No matter what has happened, that piece has always stayed with him. It is a piece that I will never get back - we've shared too much, gone through too much, meant too much. I have forgiven him. I'm working through the hurt with his input.

And that is how I need it to be.

New Music (About Us - Brooke Hogan)

2006-10-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Music Video:ABOUT US (FT. PAUL WALL) (by Brooke Hogan)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

[Paul Wall:]
Boys talkin' down
On the sidelines watching wishin' they was playin' the game we playin'
But its all good though
Paul Wall Brooke what up baby

[Brooke:]
What it do Paul Wall
Look who's talkin'

[Paul Wall:]
OK I hear the commentators on the side chatter boxing
Paul Wall and Brooke got all the paparazzi watching
I hear them jaw japing bumping guns chasing crones
We ain't concerned with them bums we cumulating funds
Plastic wrist we got the Johnny Dang watch froze 5 kid yellow stone in my earlobe
I'm squashing chatter when the light hit the pinky ring
Starch and clean white puff with the lean
See me in the new Benz cuz I'm oh so ballin'
Or a old school slab with the few wheels fallin'
We got em talkin' but really they ain't saying too much
Just speculating the gossip truth is they don't know about us

[Brooke:]
I see your lips moving but I don't hear nothing
Everybody talking like they really know something about us
But they don't know nothing about us
I see your lips moving but I don't hear nothing
Everybody talking like they really wanna know about us
But they don't know nothing about us

(Talk to 'em Brooke)

[Brooke:]
I'm just trying to live but your all up in my grill
How's a girl to breathe with all the media starring down my mouth
With a four inch lenz I just wanna hit the club with some of my friends

[Paul Wall:]
They talkin' bout us so I guess were doing something right
Ballin' in the mix with the camera lights shining bright
They know we caked up but they don't know how much we worth
people clear the ceiling off because we getting work

[Brooke:]
Picture yourself up in my shoes
Top story in the news
Everyday its something new
Everybody's watching you
But they ain't seen nothing
They Ain't heard nothing
Everybody's just fronting its what they do

[Brooke:]
I see your lips moving but I don't hear nothing
Everybody talking like they really know something about us
But they don't know nothing about us
I see your lips moving but I don't hear nothing
Everybody talking like they really wanna know about us
But they don't know nothing about us

Stop stop stop
I'm not listening
You can save your breath
I don't wanna hear the rumors people are spreading
Why, why do people go
Out of there way
To try to bring us down
They wanna know about us

I see your lips moving but I don't hear nothing
Everybody talking like they really know something about us
But they don't know nothing about us
I see your lips moving but I don't hear nothing
Everybody talking like they really wanna know about us
But they don't know nothing about us

What a Difference a Few Hours Make

2006-10-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

I came downstairs yesterday after my shower and began to gather my things that I needed for my photo shoot, since I was taking Hayley's family Christmas portraits on location 20 miles away from the house and I didn't want to forget anything. Now before I had gotten in the shower, I called Matt's cell, but he didn't answer. So when I picked up my cell phone to put it in my purse and I noticed there was a missed call, I wasn't surprised. I just assumed that Matt had called. But when I hit "View", it came back "Tyson Cell".

Ummmm, what the fuck? That has to be some weird system glich. That can't be who called me. So I exited out of that screen, only to be told that I had a new text message. I went to view that...only to see that the text was from "Tyson Cell".

WTF?!?!?! When I pulled up the message it said, "Heya Jen - Tyson" Whaaaa?

Let's recap. Last phone conversation: May 7th. Last email conversation: July 6th. And now just randomly Tyson wants to talk? I was dumbfounded. Literally dumbfounded. I actually stared at my phone for 10 minutes. I respond to the text message with a basic, "Hey T, how goes it?" I then drove to the spot where Hayley & I were meeting to drive up to the picture spot. I was having so much trouble wrapping my head around the concept that Tyson had actually tried to contact me that I called Hayley while I was driving. She, too, was dumbfounded - for once in her life she was actually speechless!

So when I finally park to wait for Hayley, I look a little more closely at my phone. Turns out the messages were from Friday night, and I didn't hear them because I forgot to take my phone of silent after class. He texted me, then 5 minutes later he called. So I called him back and left him a brief voice mail. What in the world was going on? And I couldn't help it. I sat in that church parking lot and started to cry. I had finally come to accept that we must not be friends anymore, and then all of a sudden he's back in my life?

I took the pictures (which turned out well, thanks!) and went home. That's when I put the new music on my blog. It pretty much summed up how I felt. I didn't forsee hearing back from Tyson because I didn't want to let myself get my hopes up. I didn't want to get hurt. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't do hurt very well. And whether he meant to or not, Tyson had hurt me enough to last a lifetime. So Matt & I are sitting on the couch playing a video game when I hear my phone beep that I have a new text message. I got up to see what it was, and it was Tyson again - and he wanted to hang out. Turned out that he was in town for work. I was torn. I wanted so bad to see him, but I was so afraid that somehow I would end up hurt by it. I talked to Matt, and while he didn't like it, he agreed that I needed to go.

So I went. At first it was kinda awkward. Like we had just met. By the end of the night, though, it was like we'd never been apart. I've missed hanging out with him. I didn't realize just how much until I was there with him. I won't go into detail about our night because it was just for him & me. I think we are on the road to healing, though. I hope we are. Everyone I know has had an opinion on my meeting up with Tyson, though, and none of them were very good. From the mild (just be careful) to the vehement (I will beat him up if he hurts you again), I was the only one who thought this could be a good thing. Still am. And I'm scared. Because as much as he doesn't want to hurt me, I'm afraid that he might.

And I've left myself wide open to it.

Please don't, T.

New Music (Rest in Pieces - Saliva)

2006-10-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Music Video:REST IN PIECES (by Saliva)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Look at me
My depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine

You look so beautiful tonight
Reminds me how you laid us down
And gently smiled
Before you destroyed my life

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces

Look at me
My depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did
I'm in your reach
You held me in your hands

But could you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make it go away
And let me rest in pieces

New Music (Out Tonight - Rent Soundtrack)

2006-10-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

Music Video:OUT TONIGHT (by Rent Soundtrack)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

100 Random Musings by Moi

2006-10-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

On a lot of the blogs that I like to frequent, I've noticed a trend: namely, they all have a "100 Things" list on there somewhere. So in honor of these wonderful women and their fabulous blogs, here's 100 things that are keeping me up at night and asleep during class. Now you may just officially know more than you wanted to...

*I've come to realize that there are just some things in life that we will never understand...like why people think Uma Thurman is so gorgeous.
*I majorly {heart} public transportation systems. But not because it's all environmently happy. I just like them.
*I plan to set foot on every continent before I die. I'm currently taking donations to fund said adventure.
*I'm the only person I know that wants to visit the Middle East. I will one day go to Lebanon, damnit!
*If society weren't so narrow-minded, I'd stretch my ear lobe piercings to 2 gauge. I think they look neat.
*If I had a dollar for everytime my best friend made me cry in the past year, I wouldn't need to take donations for the aforementioned adventure to every continent. In fact, I could take you all with me.
*I have no tolerance for intolerant and ignorant people. Does this make me hypocritical? Maybe. Do I care? No.
*Some of the coolest people I know, I've never actually met. Alex, you know I'm talking about you!
*I have never found Tom Cruise to be that good-looking, same goes for Brad Pitt.
*Special K Red Berries makes me happy. So does Tazo Passion Tea.

*It drives me insane to listen to people talk about things that are so not any of their business. Like Tom Cruise and psychiatry. I defy him to tell me I can be fixed with vitamins and exercise. He'll walk away from the conversation with a face for radio.
*I put George W. Bush at the top of the list of the "Worst Things to Ever Happen to America".
*People who complain about the state of the world, but do nothing to make it better piss me off. So do people who don't vote.
*I will never totally get f-stops on my camera. But I can still take a pretty damn good picture, thank you very much!
*Mr. Gardner, my high school typing teacher, will be apalled to hear that I am mostly staring at the keys while I type this....yes, Mr. Gardner....I LIVE to shame my mama in this fashion.
*I cry every time I watch Rent and I get to the part where Angel dies. Sue me.
*I'm currently writing a novel.
*I'm a reality show junkie.
*I cannot stand bleu cheese - or any other cheese that smells that bad.
*Whenever someone wants to know the title of a song, I'm usually the first person they call.

*I'm a pop culture trivia phenom. No shit. Vh1 wouldn't let me on their show out of fear.
*I suck at cardinal ordinates...but I still have a pretty good sense of direction.
*I am amused by the people suing over seeing Janet Jackson's nipple during halftime of the Super Bowl because they were offended. Please, you practically had to stop frame to see what was going on. Does looking in the mirror after you get out of the shower offend you too?
*If I ever run into the freaks that belong to the Westboro Baptist Church (the lunatics protesting at soldiers' funerals, who also planned to protest outside the funerals of those poor Amish schoolgirls) I will, in fact, end up in jail. I won't regret it one bit, either.
*I still own clothing and accessories from high school. I still wear them, too.
*The Brady Bunch ruled. Still does.
*The cotton industry has it all wrong: polyester is the fabric of our lives. I'm thinking about starting a petition.
*I believe the world would be a better place if everyone stopped pushing their religions and moral values on others. We're all different - it doesn't make us more or less of a human being.
*I've never seen an episode of Desparate Housewives. I've never seen more than 5 minutes of Lost.
*Sleep is currently the most rewarding part of my day.

*The fact that radical groups are allowed to come protest on my college campus sickens me. I shouldn't have to put up with your freakish beliefs when I'm just trying to attend my classes that I am paying for. Especially since they aren't students themselves.
*If McDonald's did their annual Monopoly game any more frequently I would be destitue and weigh 700 pounds.
*The fact that UPS still uses the "What can brown do for you?" slogan (even after learning of it's drug reference) amuses me to no end.
*I hate that I can't just be sick to call into work. I need to be dying with the funeral home on standby. And even then it's not okay.
*NASCAR's popularity confounds me. May I suggest standing on a busy freeway overpass? At least then you'll see different cars during your wasted 4 hours.
*How is it that the Raiders can go 4-1 in the preseason, but can't manage to win a freakin' game once it matters?
*NBC is at the top of my television shit list for cancelling Conviction, the best show to come out last season. I haven't been this morally outraged since the cancellation of 21 Jumpstreet. Or Dharma & Greg.
*People who say things like, "It's 190 degrees out. Literally." Need to jump off a cliff. Literally.
*My husband is quite possibly the most wonderful man on the face of the earth. He rules.
*Jerry Falwell and his religious right cronies piss me off. I would pay good money to be able to call him an asshat to his face. Then kick him in the balls.

*I never understood why Seinfeld was so fabulous. I, mean, I enjoyed watching it, but I wasn't like "OMFG, this show rules!" Unlike Conviction.
*Little Miss Sunshine is quite possibly the coolest movie of the year. Everyone must watch it.
*I'm completely unashamed of my eclectic music tastes. You know you liked New Kids on the Block, too.
*Cadbury Creme Eggs are quite possibly the best seasonal candy ever. Ever.
*I think people who hit on me at clubs and/or compliment my looks are off their off their rockers. But it still makes me smile.
*I go to strip clubs with my male friends because they amuse me. That and they usually have bitchin' drink specials.
*Yes, I still use the word bitchin' while keeping a completely straight face.
*Organized religion freaks me out. I much prefer philosophies.
*The day I get my new laptop is the day you see me go "Michael Bolton" on the current one.
*Marilyn Manson is cool. Feel free to admit that.

*I reeeeally want a medium format camera.
*San Francisco is the best city in the country. NYC may give it a bit of a run for it's money, but San Francisco is totally where it's at.
*I'm not addicted to Myspace...but I am totally addicted to the fun little pictures you can leave for comments.
*Random people will tell me their deep dark secrets without me asking. I have never understood this.
*I once wanted 6 kids. Including a set of quadruplets. I wasn't on drugs at the time.
*French is such a cool language. I'm working on teaching myself.
*My friends are my family, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Ask the aforementioned best friend. I've been to Hell and back for him.
*Being a Cancer totally rules. It can also be a major pain in the ass.
*Sebastian Bach is the closet thing to a god on earth. There really is no argument on that one. If you have any doubts, please refer down about 3 posts on the ol' blog here. I defy you to disagree.
*I wish the hair band would make a comeback. And disco. Then I wouldn't have to listen to all the crappy wannabe rappers anymore.

*Speaking of rap, have there even been any good rappers to come out of the past decade? Eminem. That's about it. Listen up, people! 50 CENT IS NOT RAP!!! HE IS HIP HOP AT BEST. And no matter how you slice it, he sucks. So there.
*My current favorite phrase is "I defy you to...(insert some action here)". I use it at least 4 or 5 times a day.
*I'm also partial to saying "Oy." I've more than once been asked if I'm Jewish. I'm not. I just happen to enjoy a few Yiddish colloquisms.
*Sometimes you just wanna say "I need a flare gun...and some flares." Really. You should try it sometime.
*I never wanted an iPod until last year. Now I can't live without it.
*Widgets are the coolest things ever.
*My in-laws totally rule. In fact, my husband's entire family kicks ass. Case in point: when my wedding officiant failed to show up at the wedding, one of Matt's aunts offered to kick him in the balls and/or key his car. I love you, Aunt Nan! LOL
*Another weird glitch in the cosmos: everyone jumping on the "How hot is Patrick Dempsey? Bandwagon". Where were all of you when he was the nerd in Can't Buy Me Love? Nowhere! And for the record I still don't see the attraction.
*Rob Zombie is fabulous. I saw a stripper once do a set to Rob Zombie's "Living Dead Girl" and Marilyn Manson's "This is the New Shit" She got a wonderful tip from me. Which in turn made my friend's eyes pop out of his head.
*People are often surprised to know that I have 6 tattoos. They go into shock when they hear I have at least 2 and a half more planned.

*I used be in band promotion when I lived in California. I worked with Papa Roach, Simon Says, Darwin's Waiting Room, Hoobastank, and Key to Arson. I really miss that!
*Local bands are where it's at. Bozeman has a pretty good local music scene. Some acts I hate to miss? Illsauce, The Clintons, and Eightrack Mind.
*I actually know all the people on my Myspace friends list. I don't whore my profile out for friends.
*I have cousins on my dad's side of the family that I have never met. But I have 3 of the cousins I have met on my Myspace list.
*I'm going to attempt to make all of our Christmas cards again this year. Yes, I AM, in fact, out of my mind. And yes, I have the backing of the medical community on that statement.
*We Cancers are family oriented. 9 of the people on my Myspace "Top 16" are either actual family members or people I consider to be family.
*Speaking of Cancers, whether you choose to believe it or not, astrology is not as bogus of a science as some would have you think.
*Kurt Cobain was a musical genius. But he IS dead, as are Tupac and Elvis.
*Loyalty is a huge thing for me. I won't hesitate to stand up to people to defend my friends' honor, and I will fight anyone who threatens them. I expect my friends to stand up for me, too.
*I'm so completely ADD that this list will take me a couple of days to finish.

*I believe that you should live life without regrets. The past made you who you are today. Why would you want to change that? Live and learn.
*Rent is officially my favorite movie of all-time. My next tattoo will incorporate the phrase "No Day But Today" in honor of that movie and my "No Regrets" philosophy.
*I know every line of dialogue from the movie Speed. I've been known to recite entire 5 minute chunks of it. I can do this because I've seen Speed 183 times.
*I can recite almost all of Act 2, Scene 2 of Romeo & Juliet. Holly & I memorized an ungodly amount of lines back in high school for freshman English. Thanks again Mr. Tooker!
*Alex rules the world. Even if he thinks that I am ancient.
*All these people running around wanting to boycott the French and call fries "freedom fries" can suck it. The French made Grey Goose. Grey Goose is the nectar of the gods. So again, I say: suck it.
*Nothing is better than curling up with a blanket and a good book on a rainy day. Unless it warm rain. Then nothing is better than going out and stomping in puddles on a rainy day.
*There are times when it's completely acceptable to just say "Fuck it." Even if your grandmother happens to be in the room. It's one of those times.
*My current fantasy is watching my work burn to the ground. As I was driving to work tonight, there was a fire near the building. From a distance, I thought my dreams had come true.
*If I were skinnier, I'd totally be a stripper. They make freaking bank. LOL It's all about the benjamins!

*Beck is waay underrated as a music artist. "Loser" was genius.
*I would love to live abroad for a couple of years. I think it would be an incredible experience for Hunter.
*I'm pretty sure I could spend a week in the Louvre. Just in the Impressionist section. I {heart} Impressionism.
*I take pride in having friends of all different backgrounds and interests. Life is too short to be boring vanilla in the great big ice cream stand of a world we live in.
*I am completely incapable of saving money.
*Intuition is something that everyone should pay more attention to. If you can't trust yourself and your judgment, you are in big trouble.
*I despise cottage cheese. The texture freaks me out like you wouldn't believe.
*Country music really should be outlawed. They're all the same whiny, twangy song.
*Spongebob Squarepants is an incredible wealthspring of valuable knowledge. Like what you ask? Never forget: When in doubt, pinkie out.

and finally...

*If you are going to give of yourself, do so COMPLETELY. If it doesn't work out, no one will be able to say that you could have done more.

Look What I Dug Out... Quick, Cami! Cover Your Eyes! LOL

2006-10-10T23:27:00.000-07:00

You Scored 75% Correct

You are an 80s expert
You never confuse New Order with the Pet Shop Boys
You know which classical musician Falco rocked
When it comes to 80s music, you Just Can't Get Enough!

How Much Do You Know About 80s Music?

Your Envy Quotient: 28%

How Much Envy Do You Have?

Your Pride Quotient: 28%

You're a little prideful, but nothing out of the norm.
Like everyone, you enjoy attention. But you're also good at sharing the spotlight!

How Much Pride Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Are 92% Intuitive

Your intuition is so spot on it's scary!
You can learn a lot about people and situations, simply by listening to your gut.
And you've even wondered if you can predict the future at times.
Just be sure not to always listen to your intuition... someday it could be wrong!

How Intuitive Are You?

She Wants to Move by N.E.R.D.

"Her off beat dance makes me fantasize
(Her curves) She's sexy!!
Her ass is a spaceship I want to ride
(Her ass) She's sexy!!"

In 2004 you got your groove on - and had the best time ever.

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

You Are 54% Open

You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.
You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...
But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.

How Open Are You?

You Are Expressionism

Moody, emotional, and even a bit angsty... you certainly know how to express your emotions.
At times, you tend to lack perspective on your life, probably as a result of looking inward too much.
This introspection does give you a flair for the dramatic. And it's even maybe made you cultivate some artistic talents!
You have a true artist's temperament... which is a blessing and a curse.

What Art Movement Are You?

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...
You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings
Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

You Have Good Karma

In general, you like to do the right thing when it comes to others.
Your caring personality really shines through.
Sure, you have your moments of weakness - and occasionally act out.
But, all in all, you're karma is good... even with those few dark spots.

How's Your Karma?

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare.
And you're all in for any adventure.
Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating.
You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!

How Daring Are You?

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen
Or lend a shoulder to cry on
You're there through thick and thin
Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Feeling

You are:

Tolerant, flexible, and open to new ideas.
A stickler for integrity and authenticity.
Passionate about causes, beliefs, or politics.
Likely to have many "best friends" from many walks of life

What's Your Personality Cluster?

You Are 47% Angry

Generally, you are not an angry person.
But you're easily frustrated and enraged. You have one heck of a temper.
And because of your anger, you tend to feel resentful and even spiteful.
You already know how to quell your anger. You just need to do it more often.

How Angry Are You?

Your Taste in Music:

80's Alternative: Highest Influence
90's Pop: Highest Influence
90's R&B: Highest Influence
90's Rock: Highest Influence
Hair Bands: Highest Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

You've Changed 60% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person.
You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

You Belong in Greenwich Village

Avant garde and bohemian, you're quick to adopt new ideas and lifestyles.
And while you're a bit less weird these days, you still have a "live and let live" philosophy.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people.
Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others.
You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others.
You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Oh, Sebastian Bach, I Love You!

2006-09-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

Could there be anyone hotter than Sebastian Bach? Um, I think no. He so rules your world. He's a metal god, he does Broadway, he's freaking gorgeous...

I mean come now...just LOOK at him! *Sigh* Fan-freaking-tastic! What brings this on you ask? I'm currently watching a Supergroup marathon on Vh1. And I watched I Married Sebastian Bach (for the 17th time) earlier so that I could delete it of my DVR. *Tear*

I am so enamored with his beauty. LOL Yeah, yeah, go on and laugh, but yes Sebastian Bach does in fact make me wax poetic. Those eyes, those lips, that hair, that voice.... Sebastian Bach for President in 2008! Anyone with me??

New Music (18 and Life - Skid Row)

2006-09-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

18 AND LIFE
Skid Row
Singingfool.com

Ricky was a young boy, He had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely got out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down.
He had no money, oooh no good at home.
He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone
And now it's

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go
[repeat above]

Tequila in his heartbeat, His veins burned gasoline.
It kept his motor running but it never kept him clean.
They say he loved adventure, "Ricky's the wild one."
He married trouble and had a courtship with a gun.
Bang Bang Shoot 'em up, The party never ends.
You can't think of dying when the bottle's your best friend
And now it's

[chorus]

"Accidents will happen" they all heard Ricky say
He fired his six-shot to the wind - that child blew a child away.

[chorus]

Some of the Professional Wedding Pics!

2006-09-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

New Music! (SexyBack - Justin Timberlake)

2006-09-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not afraid to admit I'm way digging this song right now...

Music Video:SEXYBACK (by Justin Timberlake)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

[Verse 1]
I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.

Take em' to the bridge

[Bridge]
Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

Take em' to the chorus

[Chorus]
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you’re working with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it
Get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

[Repeat 6 times]
Get your sexy on

[Verse 2]
I'm bringing sexy back
Them other fuckers don't know how to act
Come let me make up for the things you lack
Cause your burning up I gotta get it fast

Take em' to the bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I'm bringing sexy back
You mother fuckers watch how I attack
If that's your girl you better watch your back
Cause she'll burn it up for me and that’s a fact

Take em' to the chorus

[Chorus]

So I've Been Slacking...

2006-09-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

It's been ages since I updated here! School's moving right along, some classes better/happier than others. I'm absolutely LOVING my photo class. I can tell that I'm going to just LIVE in the darkroom this semester. I developed my first roll of film last week, and I printed my first contact sheet and 8x10 enlargements today. So freakin' cool! I love it! Hunter & I are making it on our own while Matt is at his conference in Las Vegas. It was so cute to watch Matt give Hunter the "now you're the man of the house" speech before he left. Matt was worried to leave us, but it's working out. We can't wait until he gets home though! I'll find some new music for y'all in a bit!

Major Blog Overhaul!

2006-09-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

Let me know what you think about it!

The Matt & Jen Wedding Saga - Reposted!

2006-09-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

Well, the last of my house guests finally left today! I'm sooo relieved. Entertaining is such tiring business for me anymore. I'd rather be someone else's house guest! I'm just incredibly glad that this whole business is almost over. Whoever said weddings were magical and fun obviously forgot to mention that they ingested copious amounts of alcohol and/or drugs beforehand! LOL So let's break down the past week or so in the life of Jen, shall we?

Monday, August 14th - It Begins
My grandparents get into town in their 5th wheel. I go to work and put up with the obnoxiousness that is the people I work with. Jeff, my officiant, wants me to stop by his house tomorrow morning so we can look over the ceremony for Saturday. Swell.

Tuesday, August 15th - Full House
I get off work and head over to Jeff's house. I ring the bell to be buzzed in, but no one answers. I try calling on my cell, but no one answers the phone, either. So I figure, whatever, leave a message and go to breakfast while I wait for my hair appointment at 9am. My hair appointment goes grand, and I'm pleased with the results. I run some last minute errands, then I head home to finish cleaning up the house for the rest of the family coming into the house. By the time I finish getting things cleaned up and ready it's 6pm, which means my family should be here any minute. Sigh. I soo wanted to get a bit of a nap in. I decide, though, that I will at least go lay down for a bit. My family (mom, stepdad, both sisters, and future brother-in-law) finally arrives, so we visit for a bit then I head off to work again.

Wednesday, August 16th - Why Didn't We Elope, Again?
After work, I run home and pick up my youngest sister and go to meet with the hotel wedding coordinator to finalize details for both the rehearsal on Friday and the wedding on Saturday. Then we run a couple errands to pick up last-minute supplies for my DIY projects. (Honestly, how many times can one person run out of friggin' ribbon?!?!) Ash & I have nail appointments and a brow wax at 10am, so we head over to the cosmetology academy about 9:45am. Now the girl I usually have do my nails and brows can do both in an hour and 15 minutes, hour and a half tops. Ash & I need to pick up Matt's parents at the airport at 12:30pm. No problem, right? WRONG. It becomes apparent about 11:45 that I will not be picking up Kim & Sharon, so I have Ash call our mom to see if she can pop over and get them. It ends up taking this girl 3 HOURS for my NAILS ALONE. Grrrr. By the time we get done and meet everyone at the hotel, it's almost 2pm. Then Ash & I run grab a bite to eat, and I grab an hour long nap. Then I race back to Bozeman to meet my Maid of Honor Hayley to get a pedicure. When we finish that up, I meet Matt at Famous Dave's for dinner with his parents, brother, sisiter-in-law, nephew, and niece. That was nice. So evvveryone comes over to my house to visit. Then our friend Scott's plane landed so we picked him up from the airport. Mind you, it's now 11pm and I have yet to get any sleep other than that hour nap. So about midnight I finally crawl into bed.

Thursday, August 17th - Maybe It'll Turn Out Okay...
I wake up today and work on putting together the ceremony programs. Naturally, I run out of ribbon YET AGAIN. Honestly... is someone eating this crap or something??? So I work on at least getting all the monogram labels cut and put onto the program covers and getting them all folded. All the boys went to the tuxedo shop to pick up their tuxes and get their final fittings in.

Then some old friends of Matt's parents hosted a FABULOUS dinner for all the family that had already arrived. It was so awesome! Forrest & Christy totally outdid themselves. There was so much delicious food! Tons of delicious appetizers and then a huge dinner of BBQ beef and potatoes and beans...then mini blueberry cheesecakes for dessert. Not to mention some fantastic frozen daiquiris. Mmmmmm! It was great to be able to just relax and spend some time with our families.

Friday, August 18th - If I Don't Kill Something, We'll Call It Good
So I get up and run out to buy yet some more ribbon to finish my favors, candles, and programs. Matt & I stop at the Law & Justice Center to pick up our marriage license. My sister Lisa calls to ask me what is left to be done, so I tell her if she could head to the house and finish the favors, I'll be home shortly to start the program assembly and we can get it all done up. While Matt & I are out, his parents call and ask that we stop by the hotel. I really shouldn't complain because they gave us an INCREDIBLY generous gift while we were there, but I was in a huge hurry and this little stop was totally sucking up more time than I was able to spend at the moment.

I get home and my sisters and mom (who are supposed to be assisting me in these DIY projects) are nowhere to be found. Thanks, guys. I appreciate that immensely. No really...I do. So I put Scott to work cutting the ribbons I need for the programs and I begin punching out 1/8" holes with my eyelet hole punch. Of course, with the house in complete and utter disarray since we had to shuffle the already disorganized stuff to accomodate 4 more people, I couldn't find my setting mat and I didn't have time to go get a new one. So I was sitting there, trying to make do, all the while beginning to dull my punch. So here's how things are standing:
*It's 1pm.

*I need to finish 40 more programs.

*I need to finish 15 more favors.

*I need to be in the shower by 1:30pm so that I have enough time to shower, shave, wash my hair, and make myself bee-yoo-tee-ful for the rehearsal dinner.

*I need to leave the house by 2:45pm so that I can get out to work pick up my paycheck, take it to the bank before I bounce a check, and get to the rehearsal by 3:30pm.

Got all that?

Lisa shows up about 1:15pm, so I put her immediately to work on finishing the favors. At precisely 1:30pm, I ask her to finish the programs while I am taking a shower. I dash upstairs, take my shower, and while I'm in the bathroom drying off and doing my hair & makeup, I can hear both my cell and my home phones BLOWING. THE. FUCK. UP. So I answer the house phone and it's Matt's mom. Our final groomsman has arrived and can I come pick him up to take him to the tux shop to pick up his tux? OY FUCKING VEY. It's 2:15pm, I'm half dressed, my car isn't loaded, and what's that? Oh yeah. I'm 10 freaking miles away. So not pleased. Why no one else can do this, I still don't know. I tell her that I have to go get my check but that as soon as I get back into town, I'll come pick up Jason and run him to the shop before the rehearsal.

I finish throwing on some makeup, run a brush through my hair, and shimmy into my dress, and race downstairs. I inform Scott that we are leaving right this very minute. So he helps me grab bridal party gifts and other things I'll need since I'm staying at the hotel tonight, while my family (who has finally shown up) stares at us. At least my programs are done, right?

WRONG.

Scott tells me in the car that after finishing the favors, Lisa did about 3 programs before pronouncing them a pain and quitting. Thanks, team. As we drive out to my work I start thinking of all the things that I've left at home. Fantastic. This means between rehearsal and dinner I get to drive allll the way back out to Belgrade to pick stuff up. Niiice.

I get out to work in record time, only to get hung up by one of my managers complaining about the fact that we didn't invite him to the wedding. Umm, hello? We aren't friends. You don't even like me. Why again would I invite you to my wedding? I grab my check and race back out to the car...only to get stuck behind a large vehicle painting the new lines on Highway 191. Grrreat. So instead of cruising along at 70 mph on a straight highway, Scott & I are now cruising along at incredibly unsafe speeds down a country road...a 20 mile bypass of the paint truck into town. This is so not going as planned, now is it? I finally get to the rehearsal at 3:45pm. Jason still doesn't have a tuxedo. We run through the rehearsal briefly, then Matt takes Jason to the tux shop, while my Maid of Honor Extrordinaire Hayley and her daughter Delaney (my flower girl) come with me to pick up the stuff I forgot back at the house. Among the forgotten stuff you ask? My laptop to run the reception music, my camera, the candles, the guest book, the favors, my signature mat for the rehearsal participants to sign, and my cell charger.

Flash forward an hour, plus a spilled drink in the car and horrific traffic, (thank you City of Bozeman and your ill-timed roadway construction projects) and Hayley, Delaney, and I are just pulling up to Ferraro's...10 minutes late. Ugh. I hate being late. Especially when the party is for me. But bygones. Dinner was great. The groom's cake was a huge hit with everyone, and was absolutely delicious. The bridal party enjoyed their gifts, and all in all it was a nice time.

Until dinner was over, that is. During dessert, I rather calmly and politely ask my sister if she will be able to finish the programs when she gets back to the house. She rather snottily informs me that she was not aware that she would have to. Um...what? Where was she when 6 hours ago I asked her to finish them and she said okay? Apparently not in the same conversation that I was. So I just say, okay. I'm not letting this stress me out. Then 10 minutes later, my other sister Ashley comes up and asks me if there is anyone else that can finish the programs because my sisters, mom, and stepdad want to go out. WTF? So I ask Ashley aren't she & Lisa coming out with Hayley & I for my bachelorette party? Nope. Apparently they don't want to anymore. Fine. Fine, fine, fine. So I tell her, whatever. You find someone to bring the frigging programs into town and I'll just finish them myself in the hotel after I come home.

Never mind that it's going to piss people off that I'm hammering on a wood board. Or the fact that I still have to double check that all the music is ready and working for tomorrow, make the unity & memorial candles, and try to get some sleep.

I'm ready to kill at this point. Hayley is incredibly pissed that my sisters are pulling this shit on me now. So we go out by ourselves. Screw 'em. While we're at the bar, Lisa calls to inform me that the programs are finished. I ask if she & Ashley are going to join us, but no. They're going to watch cartoons at my house instead. Thanks, guys. How...sisterly of you. Hayley & I have a couple drinks, but then she needs to get home and I head back to the hotel. I order some room service, plug in my glue gun and get to work. I crawl into bed around 2am.

Saturday, August 19th - Today's the Day!
I get up at 6:45am, so I can head down to breakfast at 7am. I invited all the girls to join me since we have to be at our hair appointments at 8:30am anyways. I know that Hayley won't be able to make it already because she has to get herself & D ready. So who has breakfast with Jen? NO ONE. That's right, no one. My mother and sisters didn't even bother to join me. I'm pissed and hurt. I finish my waffle and cranberry juice and head back upstairs to finish getting ready. Items 495 & 496 that I forgot? A shirt that I don't need to pull over my head and some sandals. So I call Hayley (since it would appear that she's the only one I can count on) and ask her to pretty please bring me some things to wear. Other items that I've determined I forgot?

My deodorant, my toothbrush/toothpaste, and blank cds just in case. I call my little sister and she manages to bring those to me.

So we get to the salon and we have a nice time getting our hair done. And by having a nice time I mean I'm speaking as little as possible to my sisters. So ha. It's not all for naught, though. Delaney proves to be an absolute riot. She pronounces me to be Cinderella, she's my fairy godmother, and my sisters? You guessed it! The ugly step-sisters. LOL I love this girl!

After hair and makeup fun is over, we head back over to the hotel to get dressed. Hayley, Delaney, and I don't get back to the hotel until just before 1pm. We actually ran into the photographer in the lobby as she was on her way up to take some candids of us all getting ready. Which was quite the chore! Apparently someone forgot to tell me that my room was the new hangout. When the 3 of us walked in, my grandparents, my cousin, my mom, my sisters, and my sister's fiance were all there. Um. Hi people. So Hayley & Lisa assist me in getting sucked into my dress, and believe you me...I was sucked into that dress. Then there was the joy of trying to get the retainer in my eyebrow piercing. It took no fewer than 5 people to get the o-ring on the stupid thing. Oy.

Note to self: never make concessions.

So we head downstairs to begin the formal pictures. (PS - I am soooo excited to see how these turned out. She put everyone in some really cute poses! I'll be sure to share them when I get them back around the end of September.) Matt loves my dress, and we have a few minutes alone together before all the picture taking starts. Now around 2:45-ish, I notice that Jeff hasn't arrived yet. I'm not totally concerned, but I make a joke about how we'll be screwed if he doesn't show. This is when Matt's childhood friend/groomsman, Jason, informs me that he just so happens to be ordained because he is officiating his brother's wedding in 2 weeks. I laugh and tell him he's my new back up plan.

When we finish pictures, it's about 3:30pm, and now the fact that Jeff is not here is beginning to freak me out. Hayley & I head up to my room to get my cell phone to call and find out where he is. I call his house, no answer. I wait a few minutes, then I try again. No answer. Just as I'm getting ready to head downstairs, my sister calls to inform me that my father (whom we were led to believe was coming alone) has arrived WITH MY STEPMOTHER. WTF. Can anything else go wrong? She wasn't supposed to be here. But whatever. I've got bigger issues right now. Like the lack of an officiant. As I'm sprinting through the lobby, I run into my dad. I stop for the obligatory hug, he tells me that I look beautiful and congratulations. The stepho also tells me I look beautiful and that I chose a gorgeous gown. WTF? Apparently someone hit the crack pipe before coming. She's NEVER nice to me. This is after all, the woman who branded me the antichrist. But whatever, right now I can't be assed to figure out possible hidden meanings. I'll just say she's turned over a new leaf. Or that she's dying. Whatever.

I head back towards the ballroom and try Jeff's house again. This time a woman I don't know answers the phone and tells me Jeff is at work. I'm sorry. Come again? Did she just say at work? Mind you it's now just after 4pm. So I call out to work and demand to speak to Jeff. Here's how that conversation went:

Me: "Jeff?"

Jeff: "Hey honey, whatcha doing?"

Me: "Oh, not much, really....hey were you supposed to be anywhere today, at say, oh....4 o'clock?"

(Loooooong pause)

Jeff: "Oh fuck, the wedding's today? It can't be today, I have to work."

Me: "Um, yeah, it's supposed to have already started, and we're all waiting on you. You are supposed to have the day off."

Jeff: "I don't know if I can leave because Steven went out of town and we have a function out here tonight."

Me: "What do you mean Steven went out of town? He was supposed to be covering your shift! I need you here now."

Jeff: "I'll go talk to Janice and see what I can do."

Now I'm passed pissed. I'm standing in an entryway with glass doors and eveyone is watching (though they can't hear me) yelling into my cell phone. Matt comes to check on me. I tell him what's going on. Now HE'S pissed. I go out and ask Jason to start reading over the ceremony...I might need him to do it after all. I go into the ballroom to calm down. Bad idea. Sound system issues are in there.

I demand a shot of Grey Goose....this is going to be a long afternoon.

Hayley calls back out to work to see the progress that is being made with Jeff & Janice. And that is none at all. Janice has told Jeff that he can come to the wedding or keep his job, but not both. WTF? She can't spare him for at least an hour so he can at least do the ceremony? I'm livid. Matt's Aunt Nan threatens to key his car, kick him in the balls, or both. I love her for that. Matt's dad, has the guests come back in out of the sun and heat to give Jason a couple more minutes to practice the ceremony he has just seen for the first time. Lisa's fiance Andy brings me another shot of Grey Goose. Bless his little heart. Finally we are ready to go. Ceremony goes well, other than the fact that Jason forgot one of the readers. But it's cool, no one noticed I think.

Reception has major malfunctions. I'll just copy and paste the issues from the letter I wrote to the Hilton:

General Issues:
*No wedding or event coordinators in attendance, nor were we told in advance that this would occur.

Sound system issues:
*Banquet staff unaware that we needed to patch a laptop into the hotel sound system
*Banquet staff unaware that we would need microphone
*Cables necessary to connect laptop to sound system not present, banquet captain had to send someone to Radio Shack to pick up cables.
*In the middle of dinner we were informed that we were not able to both patch laptop into sound system AND use a microphone, so our announcements needed to be shouted.
*After set up was tested in other room and pronounced functional, all we could get was static after the 1st song played. We had to quickly burn CDs while our guests stood around confused so that we could use the CD player instead.
*Volume was too low for first 30 minutes of music, and we were told volume could not be adjusted higher. After some pushing the bartender went and made the volume louder.

Setup Issues:
*Banquet staff was unaware of how to set up patio for ceremony.
*Banquet staff was unaware that they were setting up our centerpieces and had to interrupt pictures to ask what they were supposed to do with all the “extra stuff” in the room.
*7 linens rented, only 6 tables set up.
*When linens and cake plateau were picked up, we were informed by Montana Party Rental that there was an additional $10 freight charge that was never conveyed to us by Sara.
*Cake knife & server not put on cake table and had to be located after we announced we would be cutting the cake and then found them missing.
*Were told that the Hilton would take rental linens back, and then later were told that we would need to because it was Sara’s day off.

Food & Beverage Issues:
*"Full bar” included approximately 2 vodkas, 2 rums, some tequilas & whiskey, cranberry & orange juices, plus our hosted beer and wine. Many guests were not able to get what they wanted other than shots.
*Not told that "Cash bar" literally meant cash bar - only cash accepted.
*Cookies and brownies were to have been set up in banquet room mid-way through reception, instead were at end of dinner buffet and removed with dinner.
*We were told the kids’ meals would be plated and delivered to each child’s table, so we informed all the parents of this. Kids’ food was put in a chafer on the buffet line instead.
*Banquet staff apparently unaware that they were to cut the wedding cake, so 2 of our guests ended up cutting and serving the cake.
*Bartender disappeared for long periods of time, causing guests to pour their own wine and beer.
*Was told the bartender would stay until I let him go: he left before I asked him to, nor did he announce “last call”, leaving guests confused as to why the bartender had disappeared.
*Sodas, lemonade, and ice tea were off to the side and no one knew about them.

All in all, though. It seemed that everyone had a good time. Everyone even obliged me and filled out the fun guestbook pages! But the kicker? I got to meet Dawn! Whoo! So excited. She is every bit as sweet and fun in person as she is online, I tell ya. I was so honored that she was able to drive out for the festivities. So that, in a nutshell, is my wedding experience! I'm so never doing it again! LOL

New Music (Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence)

2006-09-06T00:40:00.001-07:00

Call Me When You're Sober

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

Tagged by Tanya

2006-09-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be? San Francisco, baby! San Francisco!

What's your favorite article of clothing? Tyson's hoodie I still have...good memories tied up on that one...

Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex? Eyes

What's the last CD that you bought? Shakira, Oral Fixation Vol. 2 & All-American Rejects, Move Along

Where's your favorite place to be? San Francisco

Where's your least favorite place to be? Work

What's your favorite place to be massaged? Back, scalp

Strong in mind or strong in body? Strong in mind

What time do you wake in the morning? Now that school is in, by 8am...that is if I slept the night before!

What's your favorite kitchen appliance? Blender

What makes you really angry? Ignorance

If you could play any instrument, what would it be? Guitar...I'm trying my darndest people!

Favorite color? Black, blue, red, green

Which do you prefer, sports car or SUV? SUV

Do you believe in afterlife? Nope, I'm more of a reincarnation theorist.

Favorite children's book? If You Give a Moose a Muffin

What is your favorite season? Fall

What's your least favorite household chore? Bathrooms

If you could have one super power, what would it be? Stop and start time

If you have a tattoo, what is it? Let's see here...I have my zodiac glyph with stars and scrollwork on my lower back, "Mother's love" and "Hunter" in Chinese on my right shoulder, a lotus with "Kindred spirit" in Chinese on my left side, and UV violets over a tribal design around my right ankle.

Can you juggle? Not well!

The one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to? Tyson…

What's your favorite day? Saturday

What's in the trunk of your car? Car emergency kit, spare Pull Ups for Hunter

Which do you prefer, sushi or hamburger? Hamburger, seafood in any form is revolting!

Now, if you're reading this, consider yourself Tagged, too. Copy and paste the questions into your blog :)

Some Name Fun!

2006-09-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Look at me, stealing more of Cami's posts!! LOL Thanks Cami Cam Cam!

Jennifer - Means: White Wave
Decade Popularity Rank
1900's >1000
1910's >1000
1920's >1000
1930's >1000
1940's 210
1950's 105
1960's 19
1970's 1 <---- And my parents claimed they knew NO ONE ELSE named Jennifer???
1980's 2
1990's 14

Find out how popular your first name has been over the past 100 years, just click below and enter your first name.

http://www.birthdayalarm.com/name

For You...

2006-08-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

betrayal

my heart is weeping, but my eyes are out of tears
my mind is screaming, but my lungs are out of air
after all that you said and all that you did,
how is it that you can just walk away?
guilt-free --
hands clean --
unscathed --
how is it that i'm left here?
bearing both of our scars --
blood on my hands --
shellshocked --
everytime i begin to think i'm okay
i hear your praises and it throws me to the ground
cold --
lost --
alone --
i don't need to hear it
i don't need the reminder
i already knew
knew you. knew me.
and i wish i could forget
because you are no longer you
and i --
i've already gone.

New Music (White Wedding - Billy Idol)

2006-08-30T02:17:00.000-07:00

WHITE WEDDING (Billy Idol)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

The Matt & Jen Wedding Saga - Finally!

2006-08-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

Well, the last of my house guests finally left today! I'm sooo relieved. Entertaining is such tiring business for me anymore. I'd rather be someone else's house guest! I'm just incredibly glad that this whole business is almost over. Whoever said weddings were magical and fun obviously forgot to mention that they ingested copious amounts of alcohol and/or drugs beforehand! LOL So let's break down the past week or so in the life of Jen, shall we?

Monday, August 14th - It Begins
My grandparents get into town in their 5th wheel. I go to work and put up with the obnoxiousness that is the people I work with. Jeff, my officiant, wants me to stop by his house tomorrow morning so we can look over the ceremony for Saturday. Swell.

Tuesday, August 15th - Full House
I get off work and head over to Jeff's house. I ring the bell to be buzzed in, but no one answers. I try calling on my cell, but no one answers the phone, either. So I figure, whatever, leave a message and go to breakfast while I wait for my hair appointment at 9am. My hair appointment goes grand, and I'm pleased with the results. I run some last minute errands, then I head home to finish cleaning up the house for the rest of the family coming into the house. By the time I finish getting things cleaned up and ready it's 6pm, which means my family should be here any minute. Sigh. I soo wanted to get a bit of a nap in. I decide, though, that I will at least go lay down for a bit. My family (mom, stepdad, both sisters, and future brother-in-law) finally arrives, so we visit for a bit then I head off to work again.

Wednesday, August 16th - Why Didn't We Elope, Again?
After work, I run home and pick up my youngest sister and go to meet with the hotel wedding coordinator to finalize details for both the rehearsal on Friday and the wedding on Saturday. Then we run a couple errands to pick up last-minute supplies for my DIY projects. (Honestly, how many times can one person run out of friggin' ribbon?!?!) Ash & I have nail appointments and a brow wax at 10am, so we head over to the cosmetology academy about 9:45am. Now the girl I usually have do my nails and brows can do both in an hour and 15 minutes, hour and a half tops. Ash & I need to pick up Matt's parents at the airport at 12:30pm. No problem, right? WRONG. It becomes apparent about 11:45 that I will not be picking up Kim & Sharon, so I have Ash call our mom to see if she can pop over and get them. It ends up taking this girl 3 HOURS for my NAILS ALONE. Grrrr. By the time we get done and meet everyone at the hotel, it's almost 2pm. Then Ash & I run grab a bite to eat, and I grab an hour long nap. Then I race back to Bozeman to meet my Maid of Honor Hayley to get a pedicure. When we finish that up, I meet Matt at Famous Dave's for dinner with his parents, brother, sisiter-in-law, nephew, and niece. That was nice. So evvveryone comes over to my house to visit. Then our friend Scott's plane landed so we picked him up from the airport. Mind you, it's now 11pm and I have yet to get any sleep other than that hour nap. So about midnight I finally crawl into bed.

Thursday, August 17th - Maybe It'll Turn Out Okay...
I wake up today and work on putting together the ceremony programs. Naturally, I run out of ribbon YET AGAIN. Honestly... is someone eating this crap or something??? So I work on at least getting all the monogram labels cut and put onto the program covers and getting them all folded. All the boys went to the tuxedo shop to pick up their tuxes and get their final fittings in.

Then some old friends of Matt's parents hosted a FABULOUS dinner for all the family that had already arrived. It was so awesome! Forrest & Christy totally outdid themselves. There was so much delicious food! Tons of delicious appetizers and then a huge dinner of BBQ beef and potatoes and beans...then mini blueberry cheesecakes for dessert. Not to mention some fantastic frozen daiquiris. Mmmmmm! It was great to be able to just relax and spend some time with our families.

Friday, August 18th - If I Don't Kill Something, We'll Call It Good
So I get up and run out to buy yet some more ribbon to finish my favors, candles, and programs. Matt & I stop at the Law & Justice Center to pick up our marriage license. My sister Lisa calls to ask me what is left to be done, so I tell her if she could head to the house and finish the favors, I'll be home shortly to start the program assembly and we can get it all done up. While Matt & I are out, his parents call and ask that we stop by the hotel. I really shouldn't complain because they gave us an INCREDIBLY generous gift while we were there, but I was in a huge hurry and this little stop was totally sucking up more time than I was able to spend at the moment. My sisters and mom (who are supposed to be assisting me in these DIY projects) are nowhere to be found. Thanks, guys. I appreciate that immensely. So I put Scott to work cutting the ribbons I need for the programs and I begin punching out 1/8" holes with my eyelet hole punch. Of course, with the house in complete and utter disarray since we had to shuffle the already disorganized stuff to accomodate 4 more people, I couldn't find my setting mat and I didn't have time to go get a new one. So I was sitting there, trying to make do, all the while beginning to dull my punch. So here's how things are standing:
*It's 1pm.
*I need to finish 40 more programs.
*I need to finish 15 more favors.
*I need to be in the shower by 1:30pm so that I have enough time to shower, shave, wash my hair, and make myself bee-yoo-tee-ful for the rehearsal dinner.
*I need to leave the house by 2:45pm so that I can get out to work pick up my paycheck, take it to the bank before I bounce a check, and get to the rehearsal by 3:30pm.
Got all that?

Lisa shows up about 1:15pm, so I put her immediately to work on finishing the favors. At precisely 1:30pm, I ask her to finish the programs while I am taking a shower. I dash upstairs, take my shower, and while I'm in the bathroom drying off and doing my hair & makeup, I can hear both my cell and my home phones BLOWING UP. So I answer the house phone and it's Matt's mom. Our final groomsman has arrived and can I come pick him up to take him to the tux shop to pick up his tux? OY FUCKING VEY. It's 2:15pm, I'm half dressed, my car isn't loaded, and what's that? Oh yeah. I'm 10 freaking miles away. So not pleased. Why no one else can do this, I still don't know. I tell her that I have to go get my check but that as soon as I get back into town, I'll come pick up Jason and run him to the shop before the rehearsal. I finish throwing on some makeup, run a brush through my hair, and shimmy into my dress, and race downstairs. I inform Scott that we are leaving right this very minute. So he helps me grab bridal party gifts and other things I'll need since I'm staying at the hotel tonight, while my family (who has finally shown up) stares at us. At least my programs are done, right? WRONG. Scott tells me in the car that after finishing the favors, Lisa did about 3 programs before pronouncing them a pain and quitting. Thanks, team. As we drive out to my work I start thinking of all the things that I've left at home. Fantastic. This means between rehearsal and dinner I get to drive allll the way back out to Belgrade to pick stuff up. Niiice.

I get out to work in record time, only to get hung up by one of my managers complaining about the fact that we didn't invite him to the wedding. Umm, hello? We aren't friends. You don't even like me. Why again would I invite you to my wedding? I grab my check and race back out to the car...only to get stuck behind a large vehicle painting the new lines on Highway 191. Grrreat. So instead of cruising along at 70 mph on a straight highway, Scott & I are now cruising along at incredibly unsafe speeds down a country road...a 20 mile bypass of the paint truck into town. This is so not going as planned, now is it? I finally get to the rehearsal at 3:45pm. Jason still doesn't have a tuxedo. We run through the rehearsal briefly, then Matt takes Jason to the tux shop, while my Maid of Honor Extrordinaire Hayley and her daughter Delaney (my flower girl) come with me to pick up the stuff I forgot back at the house. Among the forgotten stuff you ask? My laptop to run the reception music, my camera, the candles, the guest book, the favors, my signature mat for the rehearsal participants to sign, and my cell charger.

Flash forward an hour, plus a spilled drink in the car and horrific traffic, (thank you City of Bozeman and your ill-timed roadway construction projects) and Hayley, Delaney, and I are just pulling up to Ferraro's...10 minutes late. Ugh. I hate being late. Especially when the party is for me. But bygones. Dinner was great. The groom's cake was a huge hit with everyone, and was absolutely delicious. The bridal party enjoyed their gifts, and all in all it was a nice time.

Until dinner was over, that is. During dessert, I rather calmly and politely ask my sister if she will be able to finish the programs when she gets back to the house. She rather snottily informs me that she was not aware that she would have to. Um...what? Where was she when 6 hours ago I asked her to finish them and she said okay? Apparently not in the same conversation that I was. So I just say, okay. I'm not letting this stress me out. Then 10 minutes later, my other sister Ashley comes up and asks me if there is anyone else that can finish the programs because my sisters, mom, and stepdad want to go out. WTF? So I ask Ashley aren't she & Lisa coming out with Hayley & I for my bachelorette party? Nope. Apparently they don't want to anymore. Fine. Fine, fine, fine. So I tell her, whatever. You find someone to bring the frigging programs into town and I'll just finish them myself in the hotel after I come home. Never mind that it's going to piss people off that I'm hammering on a wood board. Or the fact that I still have to double check that all the music is ready and working for tomorrow, make the unity & memorial candles, and try to get some sleep. I'm ready to kill at this point. Hayley is incredibly pissed that my sisters are pulling this shit on me now. So we go out by ourselves. Screw 'em. While we're at the bar, Lisa calls to inform me that the programs are finished. I ask if she & Ashley are going to join us, but no. They're going to watch cartoons at my house instead. Thanks, guys. How...sisterly of you. Hayley & I have a couple drinks, but then she needs to get home and I head back to the hotel. I order some room service, plug in my glue gun and get to work. I crawl into bed around 2am.

Saturday, August 19th - Today's the Day!
I get up at 6:45am, so I can head down to breakfast at 7am. I invited all the girls to join me since we have to be at our hair appointments at 8:30am anyways. I know that Hayley won't be able to make it already because she has to get herself & D ready. So who has breakfast with Jen? NO ONE. That's right, no one. My mother and sisters didn't even bother to join me. I'm pissed and hurt. I finish my waffle and cranberry juice and head back upstairs to finish getting ready. Items 495 & 496 that I forgot? A shirt that I don't need to pull over my head and some sandals. So I call Hayley (since it would appear that she's the only one I can count on) and ask her to pretty please bring me some things to wear. Other items that I've determined I forgot?
My deodorant, my toothbrush/toothpaste, and blank cds just in case. I call my little sister and she manages to bring those to me.

So we get to the salon and we have a nice time getting our hair done. And by having a nice time I mean I'm speaking as little as possible to my sisters. So ha. It's not all for naught, though. Delaney proves to be an absolute riot. She pronounces me to be Cinderella, she's my fairy godmother, and my sisters? You guessed it! The ugly step-sisters. LOL I love this girl!

After hair and makeup fun is over, we head back over to the hotel to get dressed. Hayley, Delaney, and I don't get back to the hotel until just before 1pm. We actually ran into the photographer in the lobby as she was on her way up to take some candids of us all getting ready. Which was quite the chore! Apparently someone forgot to tell me that my room was the new hangout. When the 3 of us walked in, my grandparents, my cousin, my mom, my sisters, and my sister's fiance were all there. Um. Hi people. So Hayley & Lisa assist me in getting sucked into my dress, and believe you me...I was sucked into that dress. Then there was the joy of trying to get the retainer in my eyebrow piercing. It took no fewer than 5 people to get the o-ring on the stupid thing. Oy. Note to self: never make concessions.

So we head downstairs to begin the formal pictures. (PS - I am soooo excited to see how these turned out. She put everyone in some really cute poses! I'll be sure to share them when I get them back around the end of September.) Matt loves my dress, and we have a few minutes alone together before all the picture taking starts. Now around 2:45-ish, I notice that Jeff hasn't arrived yet. I'm not totally concerned, but I make a joke about how we'll be screwed if he doesn't show. This is when Matt's childhood friend/groomsman, Jason, informs me that he just so happens to be ordained because he is officiating his brother's wedding in 2 weeks. I laugh and tell him he's my new back up plan.

When we finish pictures, it's about 3:30pm, and now the fact that Jeff is not here is beginning to freak me out. Hayley & I head up to my room to get my cell phone to call and find out where he is. I call his house, no answer. I wait a few minutes, then I try again. No answer. Just as I'm getting ready to head downstairs, my sister calls to inform me that my father (whom we were led to believe was coming alone) has arrived WITH MY STEPMOTHER. WTF. Can anything else go wrong? She wasn't supposed to be here. But whatever. I've got bigger issues right now. Like the lack of an officiant. As I'm sprinting through the lobby, I run into my dad. I stop for the obligatory hug, he tells me that I look beautiful and congratulations. The stepho also tells me I look beautiful and that I chose a gorgeous gown. WTF? Apparently someone hit the crack pipe before coming. She's NEVER nice to me. This is after all, the woman who branded me the antichrist.

I head back towards the ballroom and try Jeff's house again. This time a woman I don't know answers the phone and tells me Jeff is at work. I'm sorry. Come again? Did she just say at work? Mind you it's now just after 4pm. So I call out to work and demand to speak to Jeff. Here's how that conversation went:
Me: "Jeff?"
Jeff: "Hey honey, whatcha doing?"
Me: "Oh, not much, really....hey were you supposed to be anywhere today, at say, oh....4 o'clock?"
(Long pause)
Jeff: "Oh fuck, the wedding's today? It can't be today, I have to work."
Me: "Um, yeah, it's supposed to have already started, and we're all waiting on you. You are supposed to have the day off."
Jeff: "I don't know if I can leave because Steven went out of town and we have a function out here tonight."
Me: "What do you mean Steven went out of town? He was supposed to be covering your shift! I need you here now."
Jeff: "I'll go talk to Janice and see what I can do."

Now I'm passed pissed. I'm standing in an entryway with glass doors and eveyone is watching (though they can't hear me) yelling into my cell phone. Matt comes to check on me. I tell him what's going on. Now HE'S pissed. I go out and ask Jason to start reading over the ceremony...I might need him to do it after all. I go into the ballroom to calm down. Bad idea. Sound system issues are in there. I demand a shot of Grey Goose....this is going to be a long afternoon. Hayley calls back out to work to see the progress that is being made with Jeff & Janice. And that is none at all. Janice has told Jeff that he can come to the wedding or keep his job, but not both. WTF? She can't spare him for at least an hour so he can at least do the ceremony? I'm livid. Matt's Aunt Nan threatens to key his car, kick him in the balls, or both. I love her for that. Matt's dad, has the guests come back in out of the sun and heat to give Jason a couple more minutes to practice the ceremony he has just seen for the first time. Lisa's fiance Andy brings me another shot of Grey Goose. Bless his little heart. Finally we are ready to go. Ceremony goes well, other than the fact that Jason forgot one of the readers. But it's cool, no one noticed I think.

Reception has major malfunctions. I'll just copy and paste the issues from the letter I wrote to the Hilton:

General Issues:
*No wedding or event coordinators in attendance, nor were we told in advance that this would occur.

Sound system issues:
*Banquet staff unaware that we needed to patch a laptop into the hotel sound system
*Banquet staff unaware that we would need microphone
*Cables necessary to connect laptop to sound system not present, banquet captain had to send someone to Radio Shack to pick up cables.
*In the middle of dinner we were informed that we were not able to both patch laptop into sound system AND use a microphone, so our announcements needed to be shouted.
*After set up was tested in other room and pronounced functional, all we could get was static after the 1st song played. We had to quickly burn CDs while our guests stood around confused so that we could use the CD player instead.
*Volume was too low for first 30 minutes of music, and we were told volume could not be adjusted higher. After some pushing the bartender went and made the volume louder.

Setup Issues:
*Banquet staff was unaware of how to set up patio for ceremony.
*Banquet staff was unaware that they were setting up our centerpieces and had to interrupt pictures to ask what they were supposed to do with all the “extra stuff” in the room.
*7 linens rented, only 6 tables set up.
*When linens and cake plateau were picked up, we were informed by Montana Party Rental that there was an additional $10 freight charge that was never conveyed to us by Sara.
*Cake knife & server not put on cake table and had to be located after we announced we would be cutting the cake and then found them missing.
*Were told that the Hilton would take rental linens back, and then later were told that we would need to because it was Sara’s day off.

Food & Beverage Issues:
*"Full bar” included approximately 2 vodkas, 2 rums, some tequilas & whiskey, cranberry & orange juices, plus our hosted beer and wine. Many guests were not able to get what they wanted other than shots.
*Not told that "Cash bar" literally meant cash bar - only cash accepted.
*Cookies and brownies were to have been set up in banquet room mid-way through reception, instead were at end of dinner buffet and removed with dinner.
*We were told the kids’ meals would be plated and delivered to each child’s table, so we informed all the parents of this. Kids’ food was put in a chafer on the buffet line instead.
*Banquet staff apparently unaware that they were to cut the wedding cake, so 2 of our guests ended up cutting and serving the cake.
*Bartender disappeared for long periods of time, causing guests to pour their own wine and beer.
*Was told the bartender would stay until I let him go: he left before I asked him to, nor did he announce “last call”, leaving guests confused as to why the bartender had disappeared.
*Sodas, lemonade, and ice tea were off to the side and no one knew about them.

All in all, though. It seemed that everyone had a good time. Everyone even obliged me and filled out the fun guestbook pages! But the kicker? I got to meet Dawn! Whoo! So excited. She is every bit as sweet and fun in person as she is online, I tell ya. I was so honored that she was able to drive out for the festivities. So that, in a nutshell, is my wedding experience! I'm so never doing it again! LOL

The Soundtrack to My Life

2006-08-16T01:56:00.000-07:00

*Your Life: The Soundtrack*
Opening credits:	Bitch - Meredith Brooks
Waking up:	Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton
Average day:	Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
First date:	Stellar - Incubus
Falling in love:	Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
Love scene:	The World is Not Enough - Garbage
Fight scene:	Click Click Boom - Saliva
Breaking up:	Hemmorage - Fuel
Getting back together:	Again - Janet Jackson
Secret love:	Dirty Little Secret - All-American Rejects
Life's okay:	Shout at the Devil - Motley Crue
Mental breakdown:	What Do I Have to Do - Stabbing Westward
Driving:	California Love - Tupac
Learning a lesson:	Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson
Deep thought:	One - U2
Flashback:	Far Away - Nickelback
Partying:	I Love Rock 'n Roll - Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
Happy dance:	SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
Regreting:	Who Knew - Pink
Long night alone:	Always - Bon Jovi
Death scene:	Hurt - Johnny Cash
Closing credits:	If You Want Blood - AC/DC
Take this survey Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Thursday Thirteen

2006-08-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Things that can always make Jen happy
1. Starbucks
2. Long John Silver's chicken planks
3. Drinking with friends
4. Scrapping
5. Reading a good book
6. Long naps
7. Hot bubble baths
8. Matt
9. Good music and dancing
10. Funny movies
11. Chinese food
12. Photography
13. Hugs and Kisses from Hunter

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

New Blogthings

2006-08-05T16:50:00.000-07:00

Jennifer Lee Beals's Aliases

Your movie star name: Pretzles Kieran

Your fashion designer name is Jennifer Paris

Your socialite name is Peter Pan San Francisco

Your fly girl / guy name is J Bea

Your detective name is Tiger Del Oro

Your barfly name is Snickers Grey Goose

Your soap opera name is Lee Circle

Your rock star name is Pez Lightning

Your Star Wars name is Jengab Beamat

Your punk rock band name is The Depressed Flare Gun

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Your True Birth Month Is July

Tactful
Honest
Friendly
Secretive
Homebody
Sentimental
Hardworking
Approachable
Fun to be with
Has reputation
Not revengeful
Easily consoled
Very emotional
Wary and sharp
Waits for friends
Likes to be quiet
Witty and snarky
Caring and loving
Loves to be alone
Overly concerned
Loves to be loved
Treats others equally
Puts in effort in work
Takes pride in oneself
Moody and easily hurt
No difficulties in studying
Strong sense of sympathy
Forgiving but never forgets
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Not aggressive unless provoked
Concerned about people's feelings
Temperamental and unpredictable
Judge people through observations
Easily hurt but takes long to recover
Guides others physically and mentally
Dislikes the nonsensical and unnecessary
Difficult to fathom and to be understood
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
Always broods about the past and the old friends

What's Your True Birth Month?

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.

You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.
And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance.

You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.
You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

What Planet Should You Rule?

You Are 36% Paranoid Schizophrenic

You're pretty grounded, though you have your occasional paranoid moments.
Just make sure to ignore those voices in your head!

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

You Belong in Brooklyn

Down to earth and hard working, you're a true New Yorker.
And although you may be turning into a yuppie, you never forget your roots.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

You Are a Chimera

What Mythological Creature Are You?

You Are 88% Bipolar

You have some serious ups and downs, maybe to the point of endangering your own life.
Consult a doctor to see if you may truly have bipolar disorder.

Are You Bipolar?

You Are Best Described By...

The Starry Night
by Vincent van Gogh

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.
Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.
And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

You May Be a Bit Borderline...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!
When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...
And when you're down, your whole world is crashing
Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Your Summer Anthem is Best Of You by the Foo Fighters

"I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new"

While you may seem bright on the outside, your insides have a distinct angst flavor.

What's Your 2005 Summer Anthem?

New Music (Far Away - Nickelback)

2006-08-03T04:27:00.000-07:00

FAR AWAY (Nickelback)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

For the Record...

2006-08-03T04:20:00.000-07:00

You need to get out of my head. No. Really. Leave.

Over My Head

2006-07-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

Why does life (at least in my world) have to be so 1 step forward and 12 steps back? One can never really get ahead in this fashion. Everytime that I resolve to myself that I can be okay without you in my world something happens to remind me that I am not. Something happens and Fate laughs a big hearty laugh nearly wetting his pants then bitchslaps me back into line. I had finally resolved in my head and my heart that I was going to move on. I'd be bitter, but I'd move on. And things would turn out okay.

What changed? I decided to carry a smaller purse today. I know what you're thinking: WTF does that have to do with anything? Well, the smaller purse I grabbed was the one I was carrying that last night we went out. Big damn deal right? That's what I thought. So I'm sitting here cleaning it out so I can put my wallet and such in it. And that's when I found it. The cocktail napkin you drew on. Do you remember it? Probably not. You were pretty drunk, having failed at your promise to slow down. We had just finished dancing and we sat back down at the table to have another round of Kamikazes. You stole the waitresses pen and started doodling on your napkin. I was busy singing along with the music. Then you handed me the napkin. On it you had drawn two stick figures with the words "You" and "Me" written over their heads. And it said "This is what best friends and soul mates look like...love always, T" below. In that moment I believed you. In that moment, my life was the best ever. I was having a great time with my best friend. It was almost time for us to leave, and I could go home to the best boyfriend in the world. I was on the top of the world.

Now I sit here, clutching this napkin in my hand, drowning in the flood of memories that came rushing over me. Choking on the doubt and sadness and fear that have a stranglehold on my throat. Do you still love me? Times like right now I really doubt you do...in fact, I begin to doubt that you ever did. And that's what hurts the most. I understand that you need to put the pieces together on your own. I think it's great. I do not, however, find it great the way you've gone about it since. The silence speaks volumes. Is it saying what you want it to say?

I thought I was okay. Now I'm back to square fucking one. I want you back in my life. I want you out of it completely. I wish I'd never met you. I wouldn't take a minute of our friendship back. I love you. I hate you. I need you here. I need you gone. You know...when you were in the hospital last fall, I told the doctor that they had to make sure that you were okay because you had my heart in that room, and if you weren't okay then I wouldn't ever be able to get it back. I guess I didn't get to have it back anyway. That kills me. It's a cruel joke. You taught me to open up and let people in - told me that not everyone was out to hurt me - that YOU wouldn't hurt me. Well...Guess what.

You. Lied.

New Music (Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray)

2006-07-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

OVER MY HEAD (The Fray)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm in over...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Totally Stolen from Cami's Blog! LOL

2006-07-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

1. Tell Me Why your blog is named what it is.
Life - or Something Like It. I named my blog that because for me, my depression makes it hard for me sometimes to focus on what is good in life. Many times I feel like I am just going through the motions of living, so for me, every day is either Life or something like it.

2. Tell me one person you admire as a scrapper/artist and why.
Dawn! I wish I had just even as much talent as she has in her left pinky! Her scrapping totally rules my world. Besides, after being partners in a get to know you swap, I'm come to the decision that she must be my long lost twin or something! LOL No, we don't look alike, but we are so similar in taste that it borders in creepy! Hehehehe Even Matt said, "Oh god, there's two of you out there??!"

3. What is one thing you've never tried on a layout or project that you'd like to try?
Doodling. But I can't draw a lick and actually like it, so I'll probably just invest in some of those insanely cute doodle stamps Autumn Leaves just put out.

4. What is your favorite time of year to scrap and why?
I like to scrap all the time! Other than this summer, I typically am able to get more done in the summer since I'm out of school then.

5. List 2 other people's scrappy blogs that you enjoy reading and post a link to them!!
Ooooh, a toughie! I read tons of blogs everyday and I enjoy them all! I would say that I draw the most inspiration, though, from Dawn and Lindsey's blogs, though. I am so in awe of these ladies talent that I will probably bow down at their feet and worship them when/if I get to meet them! LOL
Dawn - [living as an artist]
Lindsey - Lindsey's Little Scrapbooking World

New Music 'Cuz I'm in a Wedding Mood! (Nothing Else Matters - Metallica)

2006-07-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters

Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Be Grateful

2006-07-19T05:18:00.000-07:00

So I've seen the link for this video on a number of different blogs now, but for some reason I did not watch it until now. Oh. My. God. That was so a bad idea to wait until I was at work to do that. Bawling like a baby is what I am now. And I'm looking UBER professional while I am doing so. It put so much into perspective for me. I may not have a lot, but I blessed to be free of major debilitating afflictions. There are days that my son might be out of control and I'm tearing my hair out, but like his father and I is blessed to be free of major debilitating afflictions, as well. Watching what lengths this father went to for his son, and seeing the affect he had on his son was nothing sort of awe-inspiring. He assists his son in participating in not only triathalons (including the Ironman), but half-marathons and other road races as well.

What the families of special needs children must have to go through and deal with on a daily basis...makes my son's abstinance from naps seem like nothing in the grand scheme of things. These families are true heroes. I just.... wow. I have so much running through my head that I can't even put the words onto the page.

In Honor of the Fact That My Wedding is EXACTLY One Month From Today!

2006-07-19T03:26:00.000-07:00

Thursday Thirteen...On Friday Because I'm a Rebel Like That

2006-07-14T10:30:00.001-07:00

Thirteen Songs That Jen Just Can't Bump Enough!

1. Holiday - Green Day
2. Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson
3. Who Knew - Pink
4. Shout at the Devil - Motley Crue
5. My Prerogative - Britney Spears
6. Dirty Little Secret - All-American Rejects
7. Cold - Crossfade
8. Hemmorage - Fuel
9. SOS - Rihanna
10. Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
11. I Want You To Want Me - Letters to Cleo
12. Bad Reputation - Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
13. Take Me Out - Rent

New Music (Holiday - Green Day)

2006-07-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

HOLIDAY (Green Day)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Say, Hey!

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side

Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

(Hey!)
(Say, Hey!)

"The representative from California has the floor"

Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday

Someone Wake Me When It's Over.

2006-07-13T02:27:00.000-07:00

Allow me to tell you a little story. Now normally I keep my political views to myself because I am usually on the other side of the proverbial fence from my friends and family, and I believe that everyone should be able to have their own viewpoint. Besides, trying to talk sense into my rabidly pro-Bush family is like trying to show someone with absolutely no pop culture accumen a picture of Michael Jackson and convince them he was once a black man. But I digress. Here's how I see the situation.

Back when our country's "leader" first ran for office, I was appalled. Positively appalled. I promised my Republican family that if hell froze over and he actually won the election, then I was renouncing my U.S. citizenship and moving to France. Well, we all see how that turned out. The cowboy "won" under rather dubious and (call me paranoid) nefarious conditions. I told Matt to pack his bags; he thought I was being funny. After said cowboy managed to buy himself a second term, I told Matt to sign the passport forms; again he thought I was being funny. I'm sorry. I'm not. I feel that America is worse off than it was when this whole farce began.

As of August 18th last year, the President had broken a record for the number of "vacation days" he had taken up until that point. He had more than 3 years left in office. If he keeps vacationing at the same rate, he will have spent the better part of two years of his presidency away from work. Where can I sign up for a job like this! Let's do the math: 2 presidential terms = 8 years. 2 years vacation / 8 years work = 25% time vacation from work. 25% x 1 year = 13 weeks. Average US worker vacation time = 2 weeks. Hmmm, so the president can spend our tax dollars by getting 6.5 times the amount of paid vacation as the average American worker. Yet his job is arguably 6.5 times (and then some) more important. Where can I sign up to make $400,000 a year AND get 13 weeks of paid vacation? I want that job. I can't even take 3 days of unpaid vacation at my job without promising to work overtime, donate a kidney, and sacrifice my second-born child. But then again, why should he care? Only 38% of Americans approve of the job he's doing. Of the 60% who diapprove, 40% of whom STRONGLY disapprove. Hmmm, wonder which category my vote counts in.

In the 5 or so years we've had this frat boy administration what have we managed to accomplish? Let's see here...we went from one of the better liked countries in the world to one of the most hated. We have alienated countries that in all intelligence we should be trying real hard to not piss off. Iran, anyone? North Korea? They may never have been allies per se, but they weren't actively working on nuclear contingency plans against us, either. Apparently daddy never taught little Georgie that "Yee haw!" is NOT a foreign policy. Now we are further alienating countries that are on the fence as to whether or not they are for us or against us. We are throwing around ultimatums that not only continue to give an anti-Muslim/anti-Middle Eastern appearance to our country, but essentially guarantees the need for US presence in the region indefinitely.

And while we are on the topic of the Middle Eatern conflict region, I'm still more than a little pissed about the circumstances into which we became involved. Namely being lied to. I honestly believe that our president entered office with every intention of "finishing" what his father started back in 1991. Then he was able to punch his golden ticket by playing on the paranoia and fear of the American public following the terrorist attacks of 9/11. The country by and large accepted the terms of our invasion of Iraq because of this fearful paranoia and the propaganda machine that our administration set into motion. The U.N. doesn't back us, the majority of the free world doesn't back us. So what do we do? We give the international community a big "FUCK YOU!" and charge in guns blazing like it's some crappy western on late night public access television. Oh yeah, and because France had the nerve to stand up and say, "Hey, let's think this over" all of a sudden we have to order our Big Macs with "freedom fries" and eat "we don't need you cowards toast" with bacon at breakfast or something equally assinine so that all of us good God-fearing Americans can avoid looking like we support the French in any way. WHATEVER.

Then of course, there is our brilliant attempts at domestic "reform". Again...WHATEVER. Apparently we are trying to marry church and state which is prohibited in the Constitution. But what is the Constitution? Just a piece of paper that the right-wing can flex to fit their needs. Just as the zealots do with the Bible. This Federal Marriage Ammendment movement is the biggest piece of discriminatory shit that I have ever seen. This alone makes me so ashamed to be an American. Are you opposed to gay people? Fine. Your opinion. Think it's a choice that they are making? I think that it's wrong, and I have the backing of modern science, but it's your opinion to have. However, to say that gay and lesbian couples do not have the right to marry is absurd, discriminatory, and (as far as I'm concerned) criminal. Why should we treat them as less than heterosexual people. What next a Constitutional ammendment banning interracial marriages? Hmmm. Probably. I mean really, if we make it okay for homosexual couples to marry legally does that mean that straight people are going to up and start being gay? Hardly.

Then of course there is the whole abortion issue. Another hot button where I just have to say, if you don't like it, then don't do it. Personally, I could not go through with having an abortion...but I am not going to make that decision for someone else. Keep your laws off my body. I think that it was said best in a New York Times editorial in January of 2003: "Running for the White House in the fall of 2000, George W. Bush did not talk about ending the right to abortion. To avoid scaring off moderate voters, he promoted a larger "reverence for life" agenda that also included adoption and tougher drunken driving laws. Voters were encouraged to believe that while Mr. Bush was anti-choice, he was not out to reverse Roe v. Wade. Yet two years into the Bush presidency, it is apparent that reversing or otherwise eviscerating the Supreme Court's momentous 1973 ruling that recognized a woman's fundamental right to make her own childbearing decisions is indeed Mr. Bush's mission. The lengthening string of anti-choice executive orders, regulations, legal briefs, legislative maneuvers and key appointments emanating from his administration suggests that undermining the reproductive freedom essential to women's health, privacy and equality is a major preoccupation of his administration second only, perhaps, to the war on terrorism."

Look, it's great if you do not believe in abortion, your religion doesn't believe in abortion, your dog doesn't believe...you get the picture. It comes back to the separation of church and state. I'm glad you have religion, but yours is not the only one out there. Some religions don't eat certain meats on certain days, but you don't see us pushing to federally mandate that everyone do it the same way.

Then of course, there's the No Child Left Behind act. Great theory, really it is. It is not feasible the way it's set up. I'm not even a teacher yet and it's giving me a fucking career-long migraine. I could go on for hours, but the major sticking point for me is the issue of funding. First of all, not all states can afford the necessary programs to meet NCLB requirements. Then if the a school is deemed failing their funding is cut - only it's most likely they are failing because they are a poor school without enough money, and now they are stuck in a vicious cycle. It's a great notion to have improvement every year - it's not reality. The fact that special education students and ESL students and other special needs students are included in these school totals does everyone a disservice. It's just a fact that there comes a point when a person "hits the ceiling" in their knowledge. Unfortunately, special ed students will hit that ceiling sooner than their peers. Case in point: my high school had a special education program that included students of a variety of disabilities from down syndrome to physical handicaps. Some of the students only had the mental capacity of grade school students, but they were still considered "seniors" or "juniors" or whatever grade level was age-appropriate. Now those students are EXPECTED to perform to their age-appropriate grade level, and when they don't it drags down the whole school's score. It doesn't help the student or the school.

Arrgh. I have to stop the rant now. I'm losing track of my arguments and it's giving me a headache. LOL If you don't agree with me, that's fine. I don't mean to alienate or piss anyone off. I just am about to explode with frustration is all!

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

An Open Letter, Part 3/Goodbye

2006-07-05T02:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that neither of us are big enough people to deal with this: I'm not big enough to get past my hurt, you're not big enough to deal with it head on. So I'm retreating into my castle now. The one you brought me out of and said I shouldn't hide. You taught me to trust and allow myself to be vulnerable, and it's left me broken inside. Maybe one day I'll be able to come out again. Maybe one day I'll be able to trust again. It's not that I'm letting you go: it's that I'm just trusting you enough to come back to me.

Love always,
Jen

PS - This song is for you, too, in case you couldn't tell. Ironic it would come out now, eh? I hope it punches you in the stomach like it did to me.

New Music (Who Knew - Pink)

2006-07-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

Music Video Code provided by Music Video Zone

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

Tired of Pretending

2006-07-02T17:07:00.000-07:00

I am so tired of pretending that I am okay. This past 3 weeks have completely sapped me of happiness and joy. Most all of you know that I suffer from Major Recurrent Depressive Disorder. A insurance switch forced me to go off my meds back in January, so I've been trying to keep it in check by myself. Tyson has been a major component to my being able to keep the depression in check because he deals with these things, too, and understands how it works. What most all of you DON'T know is that as of 3 weeks ago, Tyson effectively removed himself from my life. He will not be walking me down the aisle at my wedding; in fact, he won't even be coming. He moved to Great Falls to live with his parents, and he won't ever be moving back to Bozeman. I can't really explain it because I don't understand it. I've had to try to read between the lines because he told me about all of this in an email.

Yup, you read that right. AN EMAIL. And not just any email, the world's most vague email. An email that leaves it up in the air as to whether or not we are even friends anymore. And when I replied to this news (point blank asking if this meant we were not friends any longer), I got another even vaguer email that left me with more questions than answers. So right now, I'm left to operate under the theory that he is out of my life forever. It's been 2 weeks since that 2nd email, and I have yet to hear from him in any capacity: no emails, no phone calls, not even so much as an email forward.

The part that hurts the most, though, is that he KNEW how much I would be hurt by the news. And worse still, he KNEW the way he broke it to me would devestate me. Of course, typical "worst case scenario" cancer, I have to wonder if that's why he did it that way. I mean, if you knew how badly something would hurt someone would you still do it? Or would you do it as a big "Fuck you" anyways? I'm left to wonder if everything that was said to me over the last 4 years was real or bullshit. Did he mean any of it? Was I really his best friend, and did he really love me as such? Or was it all an act? I hate this feeling. It taints all the good memories. Now when I think of those happy times it takes the knife that he drove through my heart and twists it harder and harder until I can't breathe. Remembering him is like a car crash right now...you don't want to look but you can't tear your eyes away. And once I start the memories, I can't shut them off.

Of the few people I have let know about the situation, just about all of them have said the same thing: "Maybe it's for the best." I'm sorry, best for whom exactly? Best for him? Maybe, if he wants to retreat from everything and everyone. If he wants to turn away from someone who was always there for them and only wanted what was the best for him. Best for me? Hardly. It's not the best thing for me to have a major component of my support system ripped out from under me, no warning, no explanation. And what about Hunter? How do I explain to him that his "Uncle Tyson" won't be coming around anymore? That we can't stop by his house to say hello? That if we call him, he won't answer? Someone please tell me how in the hell I can explain this to a 3 year old so that he can understand when I can't even explain it so that I understand it.

The only way I can really explain how I feel to anyone is this: Imagine that, say, your spouse says to you that they need to go away. Then they disappear. No explanation, no contact, no nothing. And everything was fine right before this happened: no fighting, no arguments, nothing. Would you be okay with that? Would you be able to say, "Well, maybe it's for the best"? No, you wouldn't. You'd feel like I do - lost, confused, and more than a little upset. I know that Tyson & I were not dating, or "in love", or anything of that nature, but he was/is my BEST FRIEND. Not like best friend, like I talk to him the most, but literally best friend. We went through some really heavy and rough times with each other.

So now I walk around with a big gaping hole in my heart and my life where Tyson used to be. I hope that he'll be back some day. I hope that this isn't the end. It sucks walking around faking that you are okay with something because that's what everyone wants you to do. Because if you don't, they will try to "fix" it by telling me that it's for the best. What they don't understand is that you don't want them to fix it - you just want them to say, "God that sucks, I'm sorry that's happening." You just want them to validate your feelings of loss, hurt, and anger. When you tell me it's "for the best", what you are really saying is that I shouldn't feel the way that I feel. That my feelings are not important.

Well I'm telling you now: I'm not okay with it. I will NEVER be okay with it until I get some sort of explanation to make me understand. Until then...you know the rest. And Tyson, if you are reading this, please...help me understand because you know what I'm thinking inside and you know what that can mean.

My Obituary

2006-06-30T17:13:00.000-07:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

New Music (I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace)

2006-06-28T05:03:00.000-07:00

(I HATE) EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU (Three Days Grace)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me

I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Reason Number 9,732,601,485 Why I Hate Shopping at Wal-Mart: They SUCK.

2006-06-28T03:30:00.000-07:00

Hunter & I went to Wal-Mart this past Saturday. Mind you, I rather loathe shopping at that store. I avoid it as much as humanly possible, especially on the weekends or during the prime senior citizen/soccer mom rush. As my luck would have it, though, I ended up going to Wal-Mart because I needed to get a photo enlarged and pick up a couple of grocery items for dinner, but I only wanted to make one stop. So I headed off to the ol' "Super Wal-Mart" (and I only use that term because it's on the sign...I'm working on a false advertising claim).

When Hunter & I got there, we took a look at the kiddie pools leaning up against the wall outside the door. Matt & I have talked a few times about getting one for Hunter, and he was asking me for one. So I told Hunter we could get one. We went into the store to take care of our other stuff. First, the customer usable photo computers were not working. So I couldn't get my enlargement made. Mind you, the little worker bees could have taken my disc, put it directly into the computer BEHIND the counter where the images from the customer computers and online orders go, and then filled my order, but when I suggested this to them they gave me a look like I had suggested they just empty the register into my purse. Whatever.

So Hunter and I head for the grocery section and grab our groceries. We go through the line, and have a zillion issues with paying. See, last time I returned some stuff to Wal-Mart, I was forced to put the return onto a Wal-Mart Shopping Card (long story...). So I tried to use that to pay. It wouldn't work. Cashier girl tries all her "tricks". Won't work. It's suggested that I obtained the card through nefarious means. I pull out the return receipt and jam it in her face. I'm past the point of being polite, mind you, I've been trying to pay for 10 minutes now. 2 "customer service managers" and 10 MORE minutes later, we're on our way.

Hunter & I stop to pick up his new pool. Of course, it's too big to go IN the cart, so it's kind of balancing on top with Hunter hiding underneath. And unlike when we went into the store it's now windy as all get out - not very conducive to carrying a pool when we're parked about 9.7 miles from the store. We finally get to the car and it would appear that the pool looked a lot smaller leaning up against the wall of the store than it now does leaning up against the back of my Durango. I come to the conclusion that there is no way that this pool is going to fit in there.

I tried calling Matt at home to have him come meet us in the truck, but he was outside working on the fence so he couldn't hear the phone. So I stood there in the parking lot weighing my options. I was tempted to just return it, but Hunter was SO excited about it. He was absolutely beaming at me. I couldn't break his little heart. So I called into the store (I'm sooo not hefting that thing the 9.7 miles back there) and explain my situation. I asked if they might be able to send out a cart attendant and some twine to assist me in tying this bad boy onto the roof. They said no problem, someone will be right out. 20 MINUTES AND 2 PHONE CALLS LATER...my help arrived. In the form of a little (5'2"-ish), old (60s-ish) lady. *Insert raised eyebrows here* I had my doubts on how this is going to turn out.

She greeted me with, "You're the 4th person I've done this for today!". So I had my mental fingers crossed that she knew how to do this. We got the pool up on the roof and started tying it down. I managed to talk her into running the twine through the drain hole in the pool. She didn't think it was necessary, but she obliged me. *This will be important later* The lady proclaimed the pool secured and heads back towards the store. I got in the car and started driving away.

I took a right turn out of the parking lot and the pool immediately FELL OFF the driver's side of the car. "Look Mommy, my pool!" Hunter exclaimed. Oh. Freaking. Great. I immediately threw my hazard lights on and pulled off to the side of the road DRAGGING the pool next to us by the piece of twine I made her run through the pool. I hopped out and threw the pool back on top of the car so I could get on the safe side to pull it back down. I was PISSED. I got 40 yards away and that's all the better job this lady did. I was so glad that I talked her into running the twine through the pool or it would have ended up causing a major accident. As it turns out, the lady never really tied the twine...it was more like bunched up everywhere. Grrrrr.

So as I'm trying untangle this mess, a homeless guy approached me. Homeless folks tend to gravitate towards the Wal-Mart, because of the "park" Wal-Mart landscaped between the parking lot and the road. Now normally, I'd be like, whatever, but I'm a lot more cautious when I have Hunter with me. He offered to give me a hand, and after quickly assessing him, I accepted. After all, I needed the help, and no one else was stopping to offer. Steve (that was his name) was a tremendous help. Turns out Homeless Steve used to be Navy Steve. And Navy Steve knows a little something about knots. He helped me strap that pool down so well, it didn't move a millimeter on the way home. In fact, Matt had to get a knife and CUT IT DOWN from the top of the car. LOL I was so grateful that he came over to help. Hunter was grateful, too!

*Sigh* I hate Wal-Mart.

New Blogthings!

2006-06-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life.
You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities.
You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.
Your near future is all about change, but in very small steps. The end of the journey looks far, but it's much closer than you realize.
For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside'>http://www.blogthings.com/insidetheroomofyoursoulquiz/">Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are 65% Indie

You're a very indie person, and admit it, you look down a little on people who strive to be normal.
You'll indulge in a little mainstream pop culture every now and then. But for you, anything not indie is a guilty pleasure!

How Indie Are You?

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt
You are also pretty picky about what you drink
Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do
Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Your Body Image is 56% Unhealthy, 44% Healthy

You may think you have a normal body image, but you definitely don't.
While you may not have a serious problem, you obsess over your looks way too much.

How's Your Body Image?

New Music (Take a Bow - Madonna)

2006-06-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

Music Video Code provided by Music Video Zone

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Say good-bye

More Quizzes :oP

2006-06-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

Which Scrapbook Magazine Are You?

You are Creating Keepsakes! You are on the cutting edge of scrapbooking. You keep yourself up-to-date on all the latest techniques and products because scrapbooking is an artistic expression and you want to be aware of all your options. Heritage is important to you, and you want future generations to fully understand their heritage through your scrapbooks. Because heritage and heirlooms are priceless, you are willing to spend whatever it takes to get the perfect page, although a lot of times you end up making the finishing touches by hand and saving yourself a lot of money. While you hope that future generations will appreciate your scrapbooks, you are content just knowing that you have done all to preserve memory that you can.

What scrapbook company should you design for...?

JUNKITZ DESIGN TEAM!!You love fun and funky new embellishments and are not afraid to use a lot of them on your pages - always challenging your expectations and unzipping your imagination!

If You Can't Say Something Nice...Post Blogthings Instead

2006-06-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.
What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.
You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.
Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

You Are 36% Sociopath

From time to time, you may be a bit troubled and a bit too charming for your own good.
It's likely that you're not a sociopath... just quite smart and a bit out of the mainstream!

Are You A Sociopath?

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Utopia

Exotic Dancer Name Generator

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.
You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

You Should Spend Your Summer in Europe

You're in to almost all forms of culture - art, music, architecture, food...
And spending a summer at the beach sounds pretty darn boring to you.
So head off to Europe, where you can have your tiramisu (and even eat it on the beach!)

Where Should You Spend Your Summer?

Your Dosha is Vata

Creative and restless, you take in all of life's pleasures (maybe a little too much!).
You're quick witted and very talkative, but you also tend to have a spotty memory.
You tend to get very into ideas, people, and lifestyles... but only for a short time.
It's difficult to hold your attention, and you sometimes feel with what life has to offer.

With friends: You are very uncomfortable in new situations or with new people

In love: You fall in and out of love very easily

To achieve more balance: Live in a warm climate and spend some quiet time in nature

What's Your Dosha?

You Are 36% Obsessive

You tend to have a few obsessive thoughts, but you generally have them under control.
Sometimes your worries keep you up at night, though they usually don't interfere with your life.

How Obsessive Are You?

You Are a Tiny Tease

You like to flirt and show off your body, but what confident woman doesn't.
You enjoy male attention, and you're usually pretty good at not leading men on.
However, there are times when you get carried away with your sexy behavior.
It's okay to use your amazing flirting powers for good - but never for evil!

Are You a Tease?

You Are 53% Independent

Overall, you're a pretty independent woman. You don't follow trends just to fit in.
You've got your own cool thing going on, though you sometimes still care too much about what other's think.

How Independent Are You?

An Open Letter, Part 2...

2006-06-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

So now I know. I don't understand, I don't know why, but I know. If I don't know the why or understand, what do I know, you ask? I'll tell you.

I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out of your chest while it's still beating. I know what it's like to feel like all the wind has been knocked out of you and the room around you is going all warm and dark. I know what it's like to question every word, every thought, and every action that has come from a loved one in the past. I know what it's like to spend the majority of your day wondering at what point things changed. I know what it's like to wake up in a cold sweat only to realize that the nightmare isn't just in your dreams - it's your LIFE.

I know that I hurt...and that you no longer appear to care.

An Open Letter...

2006-06-13T00:36:00.000-07:00

My dear Velveteen Rabbit,

I hope you realize that this song is for you. I hope you realize that what is happening now is fucking with my head. I hope you realize that you are tearing me apart. What happened to all the things that we said to each other? Did you mean them? I sure as hell meant it - every damn word. If you meant even just half, I can't believe that you would be acting this way.

37 days. 37 GODDAMN DAYS and 2 DOZEN voice mails. Are you that busy? Too busy for me? After all that we have been through, after all the shit that has gone down, you can't take even just 1 minute to make my phone ring? 1 minute to hit send on a "Really busy right now, but hope we can talk soon" email? Has everything come down to this? And why? For what? I have no idea why things are this way. I keep throwing balls in your court, but none ever seem to come back to me. We were doing so great, and now I've been torn down to a low I haven't been to in months. Since before the day I thought I was watching my world crash down around me. You know better than anyone how tiring it is to make everyone believe that you are fine even when you are in a full fucking freefall. There is a giant void in my soul right now...taking up the place that you filled. I'm freefalling into that void, and I've tried 24 times to pull the ripcord on my parachute, but it just won't open for me. You know, you can only try pulling the ripcord so many times before you eventually hit the ground, chute unopened. Are we going to find out the hard way how many times that is?

And the part that kills me? I still love you and think the world of you. Nothing will ever change that. You always have been, and always will be, both the easiest and hardest person to love. I just need you to be around. What happened to the person that said they wanted to get things straight so that they could be a reliable friend to me? The one who held my door open for me and escorted me across nighttime streets because they said that was how I deserved to be treated? I need that person back. Please come back.

Love always,

The one who got left behind

New Music (Where'd You Go? - Fort Minor)

2006-06-13T00:31:00.000-07:00

WHERE'D YOU GO (Fort Minor)

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Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...

Words to Think About

2006-06-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

I believe-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.

I believe-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.

I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I believe-
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
that no matter how bad your
heart is broken the world doesn't stop for
your grief.

I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who
we become.

I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager
to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I believe-
that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
that even when you think you
have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon

Save Conviction!

2006-06-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

So I just figured out that NBC cancelled the best show to come out in ages! I'm so pissed. Conviction was restoring my faith in the people that put new shows on television. I've got every episode downloaded on my iPod...yes, I actually PAID $1.99 for each of 12 episodes. And I watch them alllll the time! So help me try to convince NBC to bring it back! Sign the petition!!

http://www.petitiononline.com/nbcfri/petition.html

New Music! (Amazing - Aerosmith)

2006-06-06T23:16:00.000-07:00

AMAZING (Aerosmith)

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I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

[Chorus:]
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive
[Chorus]

Desperate hearts, desperate hearts

New Blogthings

2006-06-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

You Belong in San Francisco

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

You Are a Boxer Puppy

Energetic, playful and good with kids.
You've also got a wild spirit that can't be trained or tamed.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream

Your personality is anything but "vanilla"
You're a risk taker, who's up for anything new.
You go well with anyone and fit into any situation.

You are most compatible with rocky road ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino

Smooth and sweet, you fit in to almost any crowd. No one would suspect you of being a coffee tweaker!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

You Are 28% Cynical

Generally you give people the benefit of the doubt. But there are exceptions.
You buy into many of the things that mainstream society believes, but you're not anybody's fool.

How Cynical Are You?

You Belong in 1966

If you scored...

1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!

1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Personality Is Like Cocaine

You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you.
Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party.
Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

My California Adventure

2006-06-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it through our vacation! It's always a crapshoot when your vacation involves 2 fourteen hour drives with a 3 year old. The drives went well, though. Here's the low down:

We ended up not leaving home until a little before 5pm by the time Matt got home from work, we got the house all shut up, and got out on the road. Hunter hadn't taken much of a nap that day, so he was starting to fall asleep by the time we got to West. We stopped there for dinner so that Hunter could sleep on a full tummy. He actually didn't end up going to sleep until after we stopped for gas in Blackfoot, ID. That was an amusing gas stop, too. LOL I took Hunter into the store to let him use the bathroom, and on our way out we ran into a guy that I used to work with at Pizza Hut. How random is that?! 300 miles from home in a small town in another state and you run into a guy you never even see in your own town - where both of you live. LOL Anyhoosie, we drove until we got to Boomtown where we stopped for breakfast. Hunter had a blast in the casino, he even won 15 cents! LOL He was so excited to watch 3 shiny nickels clink into the tray. We finally got to my mom's house just a bit before 9am.

Mom threw Hunter a dinosaur birthday party later that evening, and he had a blast. He loved seeing all the family he never gets to see and playing with my stepdad's nephews. He got lots of neat gifts to play with, too. It's still hard to believe that my baby is 3!

Matt & I went to San Francisco for 3 absolutely wonderful days. We saw everything we could possibly cram into that time. We stayed at a cute little boutique hotel in Cathedral Hill. The weather was gorgeous. Upper 50s-lower 60s with a nice breeze. The only bummer was we had scheduled to go out to Baker Beach on the 2nd day to take pics of the Golden Gate Bridge, but the bridge was nearly completely fogged in that day and the next. I kinda wish that we had gone the first day that we were there, but we had tickets to go out to Alcatraz that day. Oh well...it's not like I'll never get out there again! LOL

So yeah, San Francisco: Day 1. I love going out to Alcatraz! The history, the preservation, the views, everything. Then we checked out The Cannery, Ghirardelli Square, Fisherman's Wharf, the Municipal Pier, Coit Tower, and North Beach. Can you believe in all the times I have been to San Francisco I have never been to Coit Tower? It was really neat. You can see the entire city from up there! We ate at a fairly new restaurant in North Beach, Mojitos. I was really excited to go there based on the reviews and such I had read, but I ended up really disappointed. It was supposed to be a tapas bar, but it turned out to be a bar that happened to have $2 appetizers. It also had incredibly lousy service. Lousy to the point that our total was $19.96 and we put a $20 bill in the check envelope and walked out.

San Francisco: Day 2. We got up early and went to Golden Gate Park, saw the Japanese Tea Gardens and the Conservatory of Flowers. There isn't a much more beautiful sight than the sight of mist floating through the trees in the park. I love it. We ate at this awesome Himalayan restaurant on Lombard near the Presidio called A Taste of the Himalayas. Totally awesome. Better than the reviews! Friendly, accomodating staff...we were waited on by the owner himself! He has an orphanage he started back in Nepal that he funds with the profits from the restaurant. Wonderful man. We hit the Presidio, Baker Beach, Haight, Alamo Sqaure (the park with that gorgeous row of Victorian houses that you see during the opening credits of the show Full House), and then had dinner at Citizen Cupcake. Also, somewhat of a disappointment. I had checked out their menu (from their own website) and already had my heart set on some things to eat and drink...only to find out that they don't make everything on the menu everyday, not mentioned at all on the website. Oh well, live and learn.

San Francisco: Day 3. We went through Chinatown, the Financial District, Nob Hill, and we relaxed in the park in front of Grace Cathedral. We ate lunch at this awesome dim dum restaurant in Chinatown, Y Ben House. It's not on the beaten tourist path through Chinatown, in fact, Matt & I were the people in the restaurant who were not Chinese! It's this huge room with lots of big round tables that seat 8-10 people. Your party is seated at whichever table has the space for you, which means you sit with complete strangers if you don't have a 8-10 person party. I thought that was really neat. Servers roll carts with all sorts of delicious goodies on them around and stop at each table. You just select what you want off the cart and the server stamps a number on your receipt. Matt & I got huge portions of chow mein and barbequed rice, a plate with 3 large pork buns, and a plate with 4 little lemon custard tarts. Total cost, with tax? $11.70. Incredible. The sucky part was we were supposed to get on the 2:50 Amtrak bus to meet the 3:40 train...and we weren't picked up. We were at the stop and 3, count them 3, buses drove right past us without stopping. I was pissed! We could always catch the next bus, but the point was that only the 3:40 train went all the way to Rocklin. All the other trains stopped in Sacramento, and then we took a bus the rest of the way. Matt & I REALLY wanted Hunter to be able to see that big train roll up and stop just for him to let his Mommy & Daddy get off of it. Oh well, I guess there is always the next time.

I ended up getting a surprise bridal shower thrown for me by my mom and sisters. I was incredibly surprised! It was cool. I had no idea that it was coming. Lots of delicious desserts, fun games, and some really thoughtful gifts.

Ash's graduation went well, too. It was at 9:30am, lasted about an hour and a half, and I got completely fried. I even put sunscreen on! I don't know why I bothered with it at all. LOL Oh well.

All in all, we had a great time. We got to hang out with our friends Brook & Scott a couple different nights, having drinks and playing pool. I can't wait until we can hang out with them again. They're coming out for the wedding, so it should be fun.

It's nice to be back home...now to get back into the swing of things!

The Obligatory Blogthings for the Week!

2006-05-24T23:08:00.000-07:00

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.

You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.

You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking

How you life your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

You Are 62% Fake

Well, you certainly aren't one for natural beauty, and that's okay!
You at least are keeping it a little real.

How Fake Are You?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational.
You are also giving and kind - a great friend.
You are easy going and trusting.
However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

New Music! (You Don't Kow How It Feels - Tom Petty)

2006-05-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS (Tom Petty)

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Let me run with you tonight
I'll take you on a moonlight ride
There's someone I used to see
But she don't give a damn for me

But let me get to the point,
let's roll another joint
And turn the radio loud,
I'm too alone to be proud
You don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels to be me

People come, people go
Some grow young, some grow cold
I woke up in between
A memory and a dream

So let's get to the point,
let's roll another joint
Let's head on down the road
There's somewhere I gotta go
And you don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels to be me

My old man was born to rock
He's still tryin' to beat the clock
Think of me what you will
I've got a little space to fill

So let's get to the point,
let's roll another joint
And let's head on down the road
There's somewhere I got to go
And you don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels

No, you don't know how it feels to be me
You don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels
No, you don't know how it feels to be me

Things to Think About

2006-05-22T23:38:00.000-07:00

1.You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Stupid. He should die. I won't go into great detail as to why I feel so strongly about this person's demise, but I can very safely say that exploding is too good of a death for him. He should have to suffer as I did, only slower and for much much longer.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Lil John. I mean really...does he say anything other than "Yeah" "Watch Out" and "Let's Go"? Has America been so brainwashed that the recording industry is actually able to pass this crap off as rap? What happened to the good old days with Dre, Ice T, and all the other "real rappers"?

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Too many people really. It'd be like one big Battle Royale. In an alternate universe, though, there is one person in particular that I would like to punch harder than I've ever punched any one before. That person has hurt me more than once, kicked me while I was down, and did everything in their power to keep me drowning in my depression. The only reason that they have not felt my wrath is because they are very important to someone who is very special to me...and that relationship means more to me than payback. Karma will get that person in the end.

4. What is your favourite cheese?
Jarlsburg swiss...an awesome, awesome cheese.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich would you have and what would be on it?
Turkey, bacon, jarlsburg, green pepper, olive, pickle, pesto mayo, and red wine vinegarette on a nice, fresh sourdough bread.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie-celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once (they will never call you back). Who is it?
Keanu Reeves or Johnny Depp. When I was 6, I told my mom that I was going to marry Keanu Reeves! And Johnny Depp...well that just speaks for itself now doesn't it! He is aging so well. :oP Besides, 21 Jumpstreet is still like the best show ever!

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Same rules as above. Who is it?
Brett Scallions (former lead singer of Fuel), Tommy Lee (drummer of Motley Crue fame), or Chris Daughtry (as in so robbed on American Idol this season)! LOL

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you do?
New tattoo here I come! I've got plans to get one on top of my left foot that Tyson is designing, and I still need to get the water around my lotus finished!

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Paris, France. Hands down. I've always wanted to visit there, and then permanently relocate! France and French history fascinate me to no end.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, where are you gonna go to spend that?
Since I've never been there, I don't know! Perhaps a nice candlelit 5 course meal with some fabulous French wine.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. "Be brand-specific" it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don't drink booze there's something you can figure out... so what's it gonna be?
Grey Goose Vodka. No question! Such a nice, smooth vodka. It's no wonder that this stuff costs $35 for a 750-ml bottle! The best way to have it is straight with a chill. Deeeeelicious.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Back to the late 60s...go to Woodstock...follow bands on tour...live the rock & roll lifestyle :oP

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Ignorance and prejudice have no place on my island.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
Breaking the Surface. It will be a show devoted to helping people overcome depression.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Tell 'em to keep it down....I'm trying to sleep. I think they'll be chill enough to do me that favor.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the one thing you're going to save from that blazing inferno?
My photos/scrapbooks. Everything else in the house can be replaced. Material items cannot replace those photographs.

18. The Angel Of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel Of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Wotcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Make sure all my loved ones know I love them.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Be able to stop and start time like the girl on that 80s tv show "Out of This World". Ever since I saw that show I've wanted to be able to do that. And every time I'm up against a deadline or I haven't gotten enough sleep that's the first thing I wish I could do!

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
A half hour I spent with someone very special. And that's all I can really say about it other than it meant an incredible amount to both of us.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Being alone with Stupid. Enough said. Besides, by erasing this event from my past I can erase my guilt for staying quiet for nearly 10 years about it.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world! where?
France. Like I said, I've always wanted to move there. And everytime President Bush does something assinine, I tell my grandparents I am going to revoke my citizenship, move to France, and become a French citizen instead!

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
KO's because you can dance! LOL I looooove to dance! Tyson and I have had some fabulously great times there, too.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude check it out I can fucking FLOAT!!"
Tyson's. Cuz he'd think it were as trippy as me! After all, he is the only other person that understands the profound meaning of, "I need a flare gun...and some flares."!

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier have given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which late celebrity will you bring back to life?
River Phoenix. He was such a fascinating person and an incredibly talented actor. A large void was left in Hollywood when he died, and he died way too young.